I hear ya. I know it's the hardest thing when your in the crap and especially on days when your feeling your worse. It's frustrating and seems never ending. And on top of that our happy hormones are impaired because they are not working correctly getting what we need where we need it.
I have been in a deep dark whole and have walked around like a zombie with Depression wondering if I was going be that way the rest of my life. At one point I was so sick of positive thinking I wanted to throw up. Then a month later I was right back in the game reading more books. It's not a psychiatric thing its something way bigger and beyond politics and provable science. It's the power we all hold within. But that just my take on it. Sorry your journey didn't end up in a solution that would work for you.
I guess I am just one of those weird people that believe that water can be walked on and water can be turned into wine.
Mr. Trick Master X don't give up and I will see blessings and health coming your way.