Ranting about loved ones and MDs and expecting positive thinking can cure AF

A place I have come to over the past three years since I have been struggling with gland hypofunction are my loved one's, role models (authors and channelers) and MDs skeptism: "try harder and you will feel fine." There are the people who with the best of intentions state that it is my responsibility I have this going on and all I need to do is think positive and voila! All better.

I have tried and tried from many angles using different methods to no avail. True I suffer from poor self esteem and bring out the worst in doctors. I do my best however useless that is. True I got stressed in the first place at the organic farm which traumatized me. I had no place to live, I had already couch surfed with friends, I was trying to build up my resume, I lacked access to resources to leave, years prior I tried breaking out of admin work to do workshop faciliation which was hindered by my lack of an MA, I was unable to pay my debts with no backup from family and was unable to get my transcript when I did think about going back to school all while working crappy jobs, living in crappy apartments spending what little money I had on overpriced food, having a heart attack every month worrying whether I got the rent....And somehow that is my fault?

I want to beat Abraham over the head with a two by four at this point. I believe in new age stuff, I have gone to 10 day 11 hour a day meditation sits about 10 times and volunteered at 10 more. I have done a lot of work, taken a LOT of responsibility for my actions etc, etc.! I guess I am doing something wrong. Suggesting more of what hasn't worked is charged for me.

At this point I am tired of this blaming/responsibility crap...While I believe it, I can't take it right now. It only serves to frustrate me because I have been unable to cure my body with mind power. For instance, if people told you to cure your cancer with your thoughts, would you have been overwhelmed? Well, I am and have been for three years. My doctors have the tests, ignored them, let paperwork fall by the way side delaying my access to the hydrocortisone which would aid my adrenals all dragging this out for years. And I feel blamed by them and people in my life when I am told to DO something about it when I really have.