Im sorry ive only just recently read your post but thank you so much for taking the time to post that..
Everything you say makes sense and i imagined thats how it would be when i met someone. I really do believe there are people out there likeyour partner, in fact - that was how I contracted this in the first place - because i was in love and didnt care about it.
But now,, years on - its so so hard. Ive met somone recently who i am in love with - i didnt expect it to happen so soon. I think he is the same, or at least ...he cares A LOT. He tells me he hasnt felt this way in years about someone and how "perfect" i am, or beauitufl...but everytime he says it, i feel like such a fraud.
I know if he knew then theres no way he would ever or could ever think of me as "perfect" or "beautiful" and once he knows, then he wont think those things anymore :O( I feel like once i tell him then ive lost all my equality in the relationship.... i would always feel less than someone else who didnt have this , i would always feel like everytime we had sex - he would be, deep down - a bit scared of catching it.
I suppose what makes this worse is the fact that ive always been sexually free (although it was a 3 year relationship where i got this from) and he has only had one partner... ever. and hes 32.
I think if you socialise with people who are sexually free and you are yourself, then this kind of thing is in general *less* of a big deal but, for someone with really little sexual experience, im worried it will totally freak him out.
The thing is, i am asymptomatic (practically - i get the odd "ache" very occasionally jst to make me aware that its there!) so if we got together properly, id have no idea how to monitor outbreaks and how to avoid them.
Anyway, im just writing this to vent really as no one else to talk to....... but thank you