Bless your heart Uly. I offer you my deepest and most heartfelt condolensces.
Yes, a person's hearing is the last thing to go. And yes, one can hear everything going on around them when they are unconscious. I personally experienced this when I was in a coma for a day and a half in November of 2005.
Regardless of what we do to care for a loved one, upon their departure, it is normal to feel that we have not done enough. I did the very same thing upon my mother's death and I still carry some guilt as to what I could have, should have done. Maybe....... just maybe.......... The thing is we did all we could and we did it with all the love in our hearts. Realistically, we could have done no more. Whether you told her you loved her or not, she knew of your love for her. You would not have cared for her in the way you did if you did not love her. Love is just not words, its actions. In fact, actions speak louder than words.
As to what went on with the paramedics. sigh....... I went through several experiences where doctors did not make the right call and I knew enough of the condition where I had to confront them and insist on the right protocol. Keep in mind that back then I knew nothing with regard to natural healing, so I did the best I could. Even then, doctors were negligent informing me at times that her breathing was fine when I knew for a fact that it was not. My mom also died because of COPD. In my opinion, the paramedics should not have carried her, especially if she had serious congestion going on. Where was the gurney? And we will never know what went on in the ambulance. My own mother died because of the negligence of aids bathing her. After I had specifically told them to leave her in bed, when I went to the kitchen to prepare a breathing treatment they carried her to the bathroom and this caused an immediate massive heart attack that took her life.
It is true that a viral infection is very dangerous to a person with COPD. Yet, her catching the virus from you was not your fault. It is just life. You did all you could.
Uly, your mom is not gone, she was reborn into another life. Furthermore, she knows how much you love her. Death does not break the bonds of love.
I hope that you are able to locate the missing documents, but please bear in mind that this has no bearing on her. No matter what goes on in this plane, she is at peace.
Please do not lose faith in natural healing, as it does work. You just have to discover what works for you. Keep in mind, you have been and are still under a lot of emotional stress and this affects our physical bodies. I always say, if the emotional root of the problem is not resolved, no matter what we do, we will not realize total healing. You are only 34 years old, you have your whole life ahead of you. If it makes you feel any better, my thirty's was the worst time of my life. I suffered from chronic fatigue, anxiety, panic and I thought I would never get well. For me, it took quite a few years but I did achieve total healing. In my case, the basis for these health problems was emotional. Yes, and with these conditions very often a conventional doctor cannot find a thing wrong with you. Very frustrating.
With regard to your worries, try not to project. This can result in "what if" thinking and "what if's" seldom materialize. Take everything one day at a time. There are always solutions. Can you stay with your sister until you are on your feet, or can you get some type of government assistance? Ask around, investigate, there are always solutions.
I know that life seems hopeless right now, but I promise you it's not. Just take everything one step at a time. And take time out to grieve. This is a part of healing.
I sincerely hope I have been able to lift at least part of the burden in your heart.