Mum passed away from COPD on Monday in hospital. I have been her carer for nearly 7 years since she was diagnosed with COPD. I contracted a Virus about 2 weeks ago and it went straight to my chest ( I have Asthma, Allergies,Chronic fatigue and a weak immune system).

Mum said to me If I get your virus you know it will kill me. The a few days before she passed away she sneezed once and we knew she caught my virus. It went straight to her chest like mine. We called the Doc to the house and she gave mum a prescription for powerful Antibiotics and said if you get worse go to hospital.

A day went past and she took her medicine and Mum seemed ok. The night of the day she passed she only got 2 hours sleep and stayed up the rest of the night. She was tired and a bit worse in the morning, but no where as bad a the 2 previous times she went to hospital 4 years earlier.

I wanted to go to the chemist and get her prescription for her asthma inhalers as she was running low and buy some medicine to liquefy her mucus on her chest. Which I believed was making her breathe bad. but Mum didn't want me to leave her on her own...she was scared to be left on her own.

A couple of hours later Mum said you better get me to hospital to be on the safe side, inc case my chest infection gets worse. She wasn't breathing too bad and I had seen her alot worse. I was a bit angry and frustrated I could get to the chemist and I thought it was unnecessary to go to hospital just yet as she wasn't to bad. Mum saw this as me being angry at her :(

I called the ambulance to get her to hospital. Mum calmly told me to get her things together, put the dog in my room so the ambulance guys could come in the house ect.

When the Ambulance guys arrive they checked her out, She said she was breathing to well. They took her nasal oxygen tubing off her and put their oxygen mask on her. She started freaking out telling then she needed her nasal oxygen to breathe. They then said they were going to walk her to the Ambulance. She scream I can't walk. They said they would carry her. They put her arms crossed over her chest and the other carried her legs to the ambulance. I thought it was too constrictive to cross her arms over her chest but I trusted the ambulance men!

In the ambulance she kept screaming out I can't breathe, I can't breathe. She they said to me Get my Hand bag. I ran an got it, put it by her feet. They close the ambulance doors and that's the last time I ever saw my mum Conscious. I had to ask the Ambulance drivers where I had to go, He said the emergency room.

I rang my sister to tell her mum went to hospital by ambulance. I said to my sister she will be ok once they get her stabilized in hospital. I then feed my dog his breakfast, got my things together, found a good book to read as I was expecting to be up the hospital all day, Locked the house up.

Went to the chemist to buy mums Asthma medication and mucus liquefying mixture as I also needed it for my chest infection. Went to a public toilet on the way to the hospital to relieve my self so I wouldn't be uncomfortable with mum in hospital and went to see her at the hospital.

When I got in to see her there went 6 or more doctors and nurse's around her. Mum was propped up with a tone of pillows and slumping over. She had what looked like a ventilation mask keeping her breathing. She was unconscious, eyes closed but alive. The docs and nurses told me she was in her end stage of her life and she would pass away soon. I rush to the phone and told my sister to the hospital quickly, mum was dying.

I went back to mum and she was slumping more and more forward. The doctors said she could here my voice even tho she was unconscious due to high carbon dioxide levels in her blood. The carbon dioxide would slowly make her fall asleep and then she would pass away. The doctors left
me alone with her for 5 mins and I prayed for her, did Reiki and spiritual healing on her. Told her to go to the light and her parents and loved ones will be there and happy to see her on the other side. I told her to hold on until my sister got to the hospital to say good bye to her. The doctors kept asking how long my sister would be. My sis had to get her husband at his work to pick her up and take her to the hospital. They seemed anxious to take her mask off and get it over and done with. The docs seemed cold and it was just another number for them to process and do paper work on.

I heard a voice in my mind say mum will be gone by 12pm. I looked at the clock on the wall and it was 11:45am. just then my sister walked in and the docs hovered around her and told her what was going on, they wouldn't leave us alone and my sister just wanted to be with my mum until she passed away.

My sister and I stayed with mum for 15mins telling her how much we loved her and giving her spiritual energy, encourging mum to go to the light and look for her loved ones. Mum passed away exactly at 12pm.

Now for the questions....

The doctors told me the high levels of Carbon dioxide made her go to sleep and go Unconscious, but she could her me and my sister talking to her. Is this true? I asked mum to give me a sign if she could hear me talking and I got nothing. I have heard the stories and evidence that we can still

hear if we are unconscious because our Consciousness and spirit hears all, even if our physical body doesn't. Does anybody have any experience or stories in this area you could share? I desperately wanted mum to know I loved her. We had lots of small arguments in her life. All we got over very quickly ect but they happen even till the day she passed. I never said to her I loved her being a stupid male :( I have told her before that I get frustrated and it comes across as I am angry with her, which is not the case.

I feel huge amounts of guilt that I wasn't there for her enough even tho I lived with her and was her carer. I feel guilty I didn't get in the ambulance to keep her calm on the way to hospital...maybe she wouldn't have become so stress. I feel guilty I didn't ask enuff questions of the doctor and what happen I the ambulance. I feel guilty I gave her the virus. I was only one near her in the last couple of weeks, she didn't leave the house.

Now the funeral place needs a Birth certificate (she doesn't have a birth certificate got destroyed in a civil war) and her marriage certificate I can't find any where. I am extremely stressed out. My mother was only 59 when she died, she had a terrible life and I don't want the end of her life to go bad as well. I am determined to do everything I can for her.

Also I am A reiki master, Qigong teacher and student, Trained in Chinese medicine and natrotherapies, massage, vitamin and herbal therapies. I learnt all theses therapies to help my mum, myself and other family and friends. I had a dream to become a health practitioner and
spend the rest of my life in the service of helping others become well. I have deep spiritual beliefs and am part of many mystical Ferternaties and organizations.

I have lost faith in everything in the last few months and even more so since mum passed away.No form of healing has worked on mum, myself, my sister, my dog or anyone else I have worked on all it's done is given relief and then the illness comes back for everyone. I have also called in professional well know healers and spiritual masters to help mumj and nothing worked.I feel myself becoming a bitter old man, but I am only 34 years old. I am starting to hate people and society. I feel the people on this earth are evolving backs woods instead of forwards. I am loving nature, animals and the earth more than people.

I have Asthma, allergies, Chronic fatigue and a low immune system. My grandfather died of Emphysema, mum has now died of emphysema. They both smoked but I don't and I am getting symptoms of emphysema like them. My Uncle has Chronic fatigue (he may had died by now haven't seem him in years) and I do too. Is this all genetic? if it is I have no chance for the future.

I am so scared I will be homeless. I can live here for 3 months in government housing on a pension before they kick me out and stop paying me. I wouldn't be able to get a job because of my chronic fatigue and worsening asthma. I have very dark cirlces under my eyes and am frequently sick so I am not very employable even tho I want to work. I spent 8 months with a specialist doctor who after every test under the sun could not find anything wrong with me, besides asthma and sent me back to my regular doctor in the "too hard" basket.

I really don't know what to do now with my life. I am not throwing in the towel because my mother fought so hard to keep me alive when I was 3 and had a life threatening problem and my Dog and sister need me.

I used to be so full of life when I was young, but living has sucked the life right out of me.

Sorry for the long post and spelling mistakes.

Please do not replay to this post with out constructive comments...you will only get abuse back

from me.

Blessing to anyone who replies to my post

Thanks

Uly