Re: "It's really CoMpLiCaTeD!"

Glad you filled in some more detail. However, if you had initiated divorce proceedings and got a good lawyer, you wouldn't have walked away from the marriage penniless. It sounds like your late husband was very controlling. I'm actually surprised that he didn't find out about the affair. I ask this rhetorically --- how were you able to get away from him to have an affair? If you were able to do that without him knowing, well, I don't know...but couldn't you have worked? You could have done some temp work here and there...?

As for financial stability, I see what you're saying. However, after reading many sad stories during this bad recession, I do know that people who thought they were financially stable and set for life have ended up with diminished investments. They now find themselves having to work at a time in their lives when they thought they would be comfortably retired. So...with that in mind, I say don't take good finances for granted. All it takes is a job loss or a serious illness to cause a major setback.

I guess the point I'm making is that we never know what twists and turns life will take. If he was the one you loved, you would have found a way to make it together. Yes, it's stressful when money is a problem but if you have a strong relationship, you do make it all work. You say you also were waiting seven years for him to straighten out his finances. However, IMO, you really had two choices here --- 1) divorce your husband then be with your lover; or 2) end the affair and lived with the situation with your husband such as it is. Again, a good divorce lawyer would have made sure you got a fair settlement---especially if you had ended the affair. You put yourself in a bad spot when you started the affair---it would have been hard to make a clean break. No doubt your husband would have hired a good lawyer, too, and it would have come out that you were having an affair...

Well...my two cents...good luck with whatever you decide to do. Money is important, to be sure but one can also learn to do without some things. Sex is an important component of any relationship but always remember---your lover could develop a health problem and be unable to perform. Are you willing to live with him if that happened? Are you willing to live with him with tight finances? Just some food for thought... Tweet