Re: "It's really CoMpLiCaTeD!"

Since you asked, I will comment. (BTW, thank you for the nice PM.)

Well...of course he gave up on you. You wouldn't leave your husband and, no doubt, this looked like to your lover, that you were stringing him along.

I'm sorry but I'll be blunt here --- It was very troubling to read that you continued to stay with your husband, all the while cheating on him with your lover. Quite frankly, using the excuse of not "enough money" as to why you didn't leave your husband, is appalling. If the marriage wasn't working, then leaving your husband would have been the kindest thing you could have done. Merely staying with him for financial reasons, was wrong. If you and your lover both had jobs, you could have made it work. However, what I'm getting is that it meant that you wouldn't have the same material comforts that your husband was providing for you. IMO, if you really wanted to be with your lover, you would have divorced your husband. If you love someone, then you make it work, even if there isn't much money. My husband and I were both working minimum wage jobs when we married. I grew up in a middle class home, so, yes, I wasn't living the way I was accustomed to but we made it work. We knew that at some point, things would get better and they did.

I gather from what you write that if your lover is now with a 55 year old woman, that you are around the same age. I'm guessing that even though he has feelings for you, after seven years, he was beginning to feel like he was being strung along. If the situation was reversed, and it was you being strung along, I'm sure you would have reached the point of saying enough is enough. It's easier to come to this point when you are middle aged. You get to a point where you realize that you're not getting younger and don't have the luxury of waiting around seven years.

All that said, I'm sorry for your husband's illness and passing. You did stay with him and care for him when he was ill, which was the right thing to do.

Now you're free and he isn't. Perhaps he is reluctant to break up with the other woman because he is reminded of the years you strung him along. Who knows? Maybe he feels some guilt for the role he played in all of this. Perhaps he also wonders if you would cheat on him if you got bored with the relationship.

Since you asked, I think you should just sever ties with him. Chalk it up to being a life lesson learned, then move on. If at some point, he is free again and you wish to rekindle the relationship, then take it from there. In the meantime, get on with your life and be sure that the next man you get involved with has no attachments to another woman. Tweet