Breaking up

Hi all, I am new here and looking for advice and support. I am 24 and have been in a relationship with my spouse for 9 years. We have lived together for 7 years and have a lot invested in each other. I want to keep it short so here it goes. I have "cheated" in the past 3 times the last being no more than a month ago. I quote cheated because I never did more than talk to an ex without telling him which isnt exactly honest but not cheating in my opinion though I would be equaly upset if he were doing the same. Anyhow I have reached a point in the relationship were I feel it has ran its course and it might be time to move on. I love him and would never want anything bad to happen to him but I am no longer physically attracted to him. I find myself thinking about him like a best friend and have no desire for anything more.
He on the other hand still seems to be crazy about me or atleast so he claims. He is 5 yrs older than me so he had time before we met to enjoy being free so he is content to come home from work and plop down in his pc chair and never leave it until he is ready for bed as long as I am sitting here with him but the minute I go out shopping or to hang out with my friends he is calling me non stop and freaking out. He has tried really hard to be sweet and make me fall for him again but I just cant do it then he gets mad, calls me everything he can think of and then tries to threaten me with him leaving. We both go to bed mad and the next morning he acts as ifeverything is ok.
So this is all just some background info. I know that the relationship is beyond repair or that maybe I am just done with it. As selfish as it seems I just want to be free for once in my life. I feel as if I went from being controlled by my parents to being controlled by him with no time in between to be myself and do want makes me happy. And while I know this is what I want I cant bring myself past the guilt of hurting him to break it off and when I finally got the courage to do so last night he blew upwent to sleep and is acting like nothing was ever said and now I am being called cold and uncompassionate because I am angry that he just blows off my opinions and decisions as of they are nothing.
As I said we live together and my parents also live here. All of his family lives 9 hours away so I cant just tell him to get out nor would I be so cold to do so. My guilt is holding me back from doing what I know is right. How can I get past this and stand my ground? Tweet