I have ordered a book called "The Parables of Peanuts" by Robert L Short, very hard to get these days as it's out of print.
There is a quote in there from one of Dostoyevsky's novels, it could be Crime and Punishment or the Brothers Karamazov, I just can't remember.
You remind me of a character the priest tried to forgive. I was like that 30 years ago. I'll post the quote when I get the book and find it, I have a feeling it is on page 192. Strange how one remembers these details. But I could be wrong.
Anyway I figure you will be around here for a while, "a regular customer" as it were. So I'll read the book when it arrives and when I have time, and post the quote.