Re: If given a 2nd chance, could this relationship be healthy?

First of all, you are to be commended for working on your issues by completing the 12-step codependency program. However, after reading your post, it's obvious that you still have a lot to do.

You say you're ex is a "good man" but then you say you felt "unappreciated, ignored, taken for granted, taken advantage of..." Next you say that during the time you were with him you "lost a lot of self-esteem". Furthermore, you say you have a lot of bitterness for many things he did to you that were "unkind". Really now, does all that sound like things a "good man" would do?

He says he's been working on improving himself. What exactly is he doing to improve himself? Is he in counseling or attending a 12-step program of some sort?

You wondering if it is better to be single than be with someone who isn't the love of your life. Well...if you choose that path (being with someone you don't really love), that's called settling. Yes, these days it's hard to meet people but if your main reason for considering getting back together with the ex is because you worry that you won't meet anyone else, then you will be reconciling for all the wrong reasons.

I think you still need to do a lot of soul-searching. How do you know if someone is the love of your life? You'll know it when it happens. It also seems that you're over analyzing things.

Like you, I grew up being verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abused by my mother. My father would never come to my defense and at times he, too, was verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. I know such treatment can destroy one's self-confidence and self-esteem. As for relationships, for a long time I found myself attracted to guys who were real jerks---even some who turned out to be alcoholics (my mother was also an alcoholic). I was so glad for any male attention. Finally, I reached a point where I was so tired of meeting jerks that I stopped looking for a relationship. It was then that I met my husband. When I noticed that he treated me better than any other guy I went out with, I knew I was falling in love and that he was the one.

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