If given a 2nd chance, could this relationship be healthy?

Hi everyone,

I have a lot of questions about relationships that no one seems to understand or have answers for. I just joined this group hoping that people with similar experiences would be able to give me some guidance. I would Really appreciate your help.

A bit of background information:
I was emotionally, mentally and physically abused by my mother until I left home for university. I have already dealt with and overcome Most associated issues and insecurities. But I am still trying to kick the inner voice that tells me that I am not good enough for a good man and that I don't deserve to be loved. As you've probably guessed, I constantly feel the need to fix other people. After recently completing the 12 step program for codependency, I now realize that I must put an end to my attraction to men that need fixing and caring for.

So, a few months ago, I ended a 5 year relationship with a good man that was a 'fixer-upper'. Aside from his insecurities and problems, my ex boyfriend is a very good person and I believe that he loved me. He wants to try again. He says that he has been working on himself and improving himself and that the issues from our past would no longer be a concern (ie. me feeling unappreciated, ignored, taken for granted, taken advantage of, and him depending on me for help, guidance, and motivation). I have also taken this time to recover some of the self esteem that I lost during the past 5 years and improving myself further. I am becoming more physically active and trying new things and keeping busy. I am much happier now although I still have my bad days/weeks. I am learning to put myself first, take care of myself and I'm trying to love myself so that I can make myself happy instead of focusing on making everyone else happy.

So here are my thoughts/questions:

If he and I start all over again, ie. get to know each other all over again from the first date, maybe we could start a new relationship with a completely new dynamic. If this were true, and if he is no longer dependent on me and I am no longer trying to fix him, does that mean that our relationship could become a healthy one? I have a lot of bitterness and resentment for many things that he did to me in the past that were unkind... not sure if I can let all of that go.

I worry that I am considering taking him back just because I'm scared that no one else will love me like he did, and I'm scared that I'll never feel compatible with someone else. I'm having a hard time meeting people. Maybe I am scared of being single forever. Is being single forever better or is being a relationship with someone that works (assuming it can become healthy on the second try) but who may not be the love of your life better? This begs another question... how will I know if someone is the love of my life when no one is perfect and every relationship takes work and effort, and divorce rate is 1 in 2 couples? If I'm choosing a partner to settle down with, how do I know which extent of imperfection in a relationship or in a person is the best it could be?

Here's a more general question about relationships:
If I were to be in a relationship with ANY man, I would analyse it and wonder why he likes me and why I like him. To some degree, all relationships are codependent, right? How do I know, what degree is healthy and acceptable?

On a similar note, attraction between 2 people in a relationship is driven by their insecurities... to what extent is this healthy and acceptable?

Thanks so much for listening. I feel like my outlook on relationships and love is bleak, complicated and unhopeful.
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