You've set one step in the right direction!

Don't be sorry your post was long. My reply is too ;-) And I hope that the previous replies that cut to the heart of the matter quite unforgivingly didn't scare you away from doing the right thing.

It's been a few days since your message and I'm wondering if you've kept to the new set of rules you gave yourself and H or if you both relapsed.

I can tell you coke is dangerous. I can tell you that both you and H can die or end up imprisoned because of it. But you know that.

But you have to think to yourself: who is in control of your life? In your case, it's the coke. You said that you don't want the stuff to ruin your life anymore and you even say you don't enjoy it anymore. Yet you're still addicted. Please let it get through in your head that Coke will destroy you over time.

NOW, what to DO about it?

Option 1: see above posts and change your life dramatically; move out, cut yourself off from everything and everyone involved with coke and seek therapy. it's by far the best choice, but prone to failure judging from your mental state

Option 2: I can see you've only just begun to realize the real cost of your lifestyle, so this is a kinder suggestion.

I think lessening the use would be a great way to start. Especially if you don't feel so strong in the will department. Don't go Cold Turkey in a desperate move to get yourself back together. Not only will it be mentally seem like an insanely high mountain to climb, but your body also needs time to get it out of its system and it won't let go of it so easily.

- So cut back until you're clean eventually.
if you happen to slip during a moment of weakness, DON'T, I repeat DON'T give up! You can make up for it the next day. Set measurable and realistic goals for yourself and reward yourself when you reach them. With things like going to a movie, see that game of your favorite team, or having dinner at a great restaurant. Just do ANYTHING that makes you feel good in a way not induced by drugs (obviously.) It's also a great way to divert attention. So concentrate on looking forward to your rewards!

Get a piggy bank and put money in there whenever you resisted the urge to splurge on coke. Put the amount which you would've spent on coke in it and use it to finance your rewards instead. Look at how much money you have left and take time to enjoy aspects of your life that you neglected all this time!

IT WILL NOT BE EASY
You'll have to work on your willpower and discipline.
The best way to do that is putting yourself in an environment which encourages that, so I think moving out (even if it's just temporarily) would work wonders for the both of you. This is YOUR life and both of you know full well that the road you're on now is one you've been on before and you know exactly where it ends. I also know it's not where you want to be. Mock me for quoting "The Matrix" but it's true.

You'll also have to deal with your coke-happy "inherited" friends. They will be an obstacle during your recovery. t

About you're relationship: I know you love her, but the only honest assesment of your relationship can take place after you get clean and clear headed. Don't be too surprised if you find out that coke was the factor that bound you together.

Now, enough said. Go and ensure a future for yourself. And know that by doing that, you're stimulating H to get on the right path as well. BUT NEVER FORGET TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST. A situation like this calls for egoism. If that means hurting friends and even H, so be it. You made a good choice penning all of this down. If you can do that, you can get rid of your Coke addiction. I believe in you. Make sure you believe in yourself as well.

I wish you the best of luck and I'd love to hear about your progress.

Be strong!

~Maverick Tweet