Re: Strain on my relationship due to cocaine and codependency

You've had two very sound, very insightful responses.  To reiterate the posts above, there is nothing fantastic about any relationship when substance abuse is a focal point.  The communication is false because illegal substance abuse is all about deceit, nevermind that it can land a person in a terrible (and, stupid) legal situation. The sex is not true because it is "enhanced" by chemicals.  The relationship is entirely false.

You are spending a great deal of energy focusing on generating excuses and maintaining your denial.  Do you honestly want to risk your future in performing arts by sustaining your addiction?  Do you really believe that it's wiser to focus your attention on everything other than yourself, your education, and your physical/emotional well being?  If you truly believe that you have this all under control, then rock on.  However, if you are interested in healing yourself, take action today.  Call the toll-free, anonymous Narcotics Anonymous hotline and start taking control of your choices.  You may have to make some tough decisions, like moving out of your flat and into a safe environment.  You may have to surrender your relationship with H for a while, or forever.  But, these decisions are ultimately the ones that will determine whether or not we will be successful in our healing. 

I married someone because our relationship was based upon substance abuse.  What seemed "fun" before the marriage eventually collapsed into a nightmare from which there seemed to be no escape.  And, children were produced and ruined, as well.  So, try using your head for something better than just a biological device for capping off your neck and take control of your coices, your decisions, and your life before you lose everything important to you, including yourself.