Re: was it rape or submission? TRIGGERING INFO

Wrong questions lead to wrong answers. It was both a rape and submission, but that's not going to help you.

People, just like animals, "recognize" each other on some subconscious level very quickly; within seconds.

A lion in Africa will spot a young or lame deer from miles away. We, humans who don't hunt deer, would not be able to see any difference.

Abusive people can spot a victim from miles away. And you have proven to be an ideal victim. I am not trying to put you down, just stating the obvious. Now, before you start blaming yourself for "being a perfect victim" understand this: we all learn everything in our early childhood. Why don't you speak Chinese instead of English? Because that's the language you learned as a child. And why are you a Christian? Because that's the religion that was practiced at home. And compare the foods you eat to those eaten by your parents - pretty similar if not identical. And even your habits, sense of humor and so on are all created in the family.

To me it is obvious that your parents didn't teach you how to respect yourself and how to be aware of your needs at all times. They also didn't want you to be independent and say "NO" when something didn't fit into your value system.

These men who took advantage of you are rapists and in my view, you were raped. You were taken advantage of. Even if you don't know how to say "NO", you were still raped.

Just to give you an idea how those things would go with someone who is not a rapist. Your boyfriend or husband would ask you "Would you like to have sex?" and if you said clearly "Yes" maybe he would go on to ask "Care for some role play?" and if you were clear that you really wanted to act out a rape scene, then maybe you two would continue. And if you showed a slightest sign of discomfort or pain he would stop.

You are probably feeling guilty for not putting up much of a fight. But, did anyone ever encourage you to fight if certain boundaries were crossed? Didn't think so.

Your therapy should not concetrate on "being raped" or "being submissive" but primarily on building a healthy value system and protecting those values. I taught my kids that if anyone ever wanted to do something bad to them, they are to run as fast as they can, and if they cannot - then punch, pull hair, scream their lungs out and bite and spit and scratch and poke the attackers eyes out. Sounds "vicious"? No, it's called - self defense.

Were you tought the same by your parents, or were you thought to be a "nice girl" and do as you're told? It is also obvious that bible was used to manipulate you in many ways. If you were told the real values of the bible and christianity you'd never fall for manipulation that was going on with your former husband. There is evil everywhere, it is used to make people submissive; and religion is one of the best ways to do so. Faith and religion are two different things. Jesus said that we carry the temple of God in our own souls and that we don't need any building to practice that. Are you going to church? Why if Jesus didn't consider it important? Do you see what I mean? Religion and religous texts are ways to manipulate people. Faith on the other hand is our own personal relationship with God and no ones business. You have a right to your own direct contact with God through preyer and you can hear His answers through meditation which Jesus practiced. If you talk to a priest as if he's above you, or take someone's knowledge of bible as something that is ABOVE you, then you are making a big mistake. God said "Though shall not have other Gods then me". That means you will NOT submit to ANYONE other then God himself. If God came down from heaven and asked you to do something, it would be only something that's good for you. But if you take an ordinary mortal's words or actions as something above you, and your needs, then you are making a BIG mistake. You are putting them in a place reserved for God. Don't do that. Every human being is a sinner in some way and doesn't deserve to be treated as "above us". Only God is above us. A woman should not submit to her husband, only to herself and God. A lot that is written in bible was added by sick minds. Bible was written in times when there were no printing presses. It had to be copied by hand. A lot of good stuff managed to survive, but a lot has been perverted to the point of being outright dangerous and evil. 1400 years of transcribing a long text does that. It's a game of broken phones.

Please, do not feel ashamed or guilty for what happened to you. You were taken advantage of and you didn't know how to make that stop. From now on, make sure you say NO when needed and if that's not taken seriously, then run, fight, scream, hit, do whatever it takes to get out of danger.

ps. As for christianity - the way it is practiced today has NOTHING to do with teachings of Jesus. Better to stay away from the church and learn about Jesus and his teachings on your own. Harder but ultimately more rewarding. Remember that devil is always disguising himself in such a way that you'd never be able to recognize him. But one sure sign is this: if someone presents himself or herself as above you in any way, they are of devil. The place "above you" is reserved for God and God only. Everyone else is equal, including your husband, doctor, judge, teacher, politician or celebrity. Tweet