Re: if you are not enjoying it-it really is up to you

to tell your partner. Or to pull away or whatever.

Then to have a talk with your partner

Here's what I have found, most women who do not speak up for themselves have already had an experience in their girlhood where they were made to feel guilty or that they shouldn't tell what occured between them and a family or friend or neighborhood male.

In my case there was aunmarried 48-40 year old neighbor who let us kids (11-13 yo's) smoke and rollerskate in his driveway. We also planted berry bushes he enjoyed the company of children

As an aside if you run into men in their 50's who are hetero and have never been married or had a 6 month marriage then divorced, there is something up with sex life that cannot be contained in a marriage or cannor be contained.

I'm thinking of 2-3 situations where such men have been inappropriate with me, it starts with a brush against a bottom or breast were you are wondering "what was that" of underwear being pulled down on the therapy table, or a hand to the breast while adjusting you, or a hand to the breast while walking by- all inappropriate because they are the cheap feels that are not consensual nor invited they are taken in a very jocular manner

that is without care for you or your feelings, and this pattern starts before husbands- way earlier if you look back you will see there is something else that mimics this very early on.

Then we are put in the position to tell or not to tell meanwhile the predator is our "friend" or a doctor or a priest- a trusted person

One that has no boundaries and cares not a whit the damage he is doing, he is only interested in himself, and his fascination with your body parts.

It is like the beaten child that goes back to his mom after she hits him for comfort or to be held. Sick and the worst form of betrayal