Re: Need Somebody To Talk Too

hey..how are u doing?...i read your post and it almost made me cry because its explains exactly whats going on with me....I'm in college and its my 4th year...I've been dealing with this odor problem for 5 years now. It all begin a year after i graduated from high school when i was working for 2 years to save money for college.. When the odor problem began i didn't know what the source was and was confused cause my own family say they don't smell any odor. I went to a few doctors who told me that it was all in my head and that they didn't smell anything either and just told me to eat more fiber in my diet..The whole thing has been so puzzling to me because i am a neat freak who is particular about hygiene..I take 2 showers a day and i eat very healthy, don't smoke or drink and exercise occasionally. I was suppose to start my freshman year at college after spending 2 years working after high school and almost didn't go to school because of this problem...I want to find out what was wrong and it get a solution for the odor problem before starting college but my family thought i was insane and that it was all in my head so they pushed me to go so i did..I started freshman year and it was an extremely painful year..I don't think i have cried that much in my life as i did that year..I was extremly lonely, 4 hours away from home...All i did was go to class and back to my room.. I never did anything on the weekend because i didn't want to deal with the embarassement and harassment i got about my odor...People were rude and mean to me..I'd get laughed at, gossip about and no one would sit next to me or make eye contact with me.I had 2 friends but even at times they would shy away from hanging out with me or been seen with me..I almost committed suicide that year but didn't have the heart to do it....I was relieved when the school year ended..when my sophmore year started i decided to try to be more outgoing despite my odor and for some wierd reason my odor wasn't as strong as it had been the year before..so much changed that year people started to notice me more, i made alot of friends,so many people were drawn to me and a ton of the guys wanted to date me and i even got a boyfriend..because the odor was still there though not so strong i felt self conscious that whole year..when junior year started....my odor slowly became strong again and then misery started again,my boyfriend and i broke up, people started avoiding me, talking, laughing, avoiding..etc..I made it through that year without killing myself but my self esteem and reputation have been completely destroyed... my current senior year began with dread because i didn't know how i was going to survive another year of college...this year so far has been a nightmare...i am completely invincible, no one talks to me, says hi, wants to sit by me,..etc..i've been talked about, laughed at and my reputation is ruined because i go to a small college, i can't even go anywhere in town without someone recognizing me, pointing and them laughing....I am the girl that is considered one the prettiest girls on campus who should be out on weekends but yet no guy will look at me and i spend all my weekends alone in my apartment...what kind of life is this....i might as well be dead..earlier this year i met a guy thorugh a friend who i found out liked me and i liked him as well but now he won't even talk to me because people talked talked to him.....This odor problem has ruined my life and all the dreams i had for myself...I've done some much research, seen alot of doctors who have said its all in my head and tried healthy Diet changes but the odor is still there..i sometimes feel like i am cursed...right now i'm doing another colon cleansing...My odor seems to get worse now when i get extremely nervous...it seems that now the sight of people approching me makes me nervous....so right now my last hope is doing this colon cleansing again and seeing a new doctor one last time next week....If i get no solution from it,....i am comtemplating suicide because i just can't bare this anymore, 5 years of living in shame isolating myself from people and not being able to enjoy life is too much..I feel already dead inside....so to anoyone who reads this and is going through the same thing i totally understand your pain.