Re: what am I attracting? help please

Hi, dear PJ

Well just to burst your bubble, :) I don't have any answers that will change your circumstances. Maybe it will change your mood but that's more up to you.

You are an intelligent and wise person with consciousness: you 'know' a lot of this. I don't know what you are practicing but keep practicing the positive.

It seems things are changing for you, they always are. Either they change, growing, or they change through decaying. And either way will encourage you to change. So you are wanting to get on board with change through growing.

PJ, I don't wonder if you are 'doing' the best to your ability, you are just in a holding pattern right now. I mean it wasn't that long that you left your husband, as I recall. And so you've had kind of a 'fall-out'?

The truth comes out: now maybe this experience is letting you 'see' the underlying vibrations/beliefs you carry around. Ones that support suffering, hardship and victimization.

PJ, many of us have come face to face with this. I have, and have for a few years, little by little, been working through it as consciously as I can. I'm finally at a point where I have 'allowed' myself to feel good as much as possible, by any means possible. I no longer expect this to happen overnight, as I once did.

It's like unraveling a complicated story with many characters. You want to weed out the characters of 'victim' 'pain' 'loss of control' and insert characters of 'creator' 'joy' 'guidance'.

Your life is leading you to a new story. Just keep your eyes on your goals.

And yes, I cried myself silly many times over, sometimes I almost couldn't breathe. Was that necessary? Who knows, it happened for me.

I've had my 'secrets' found out, I've been revealed, I've been called out on my shadows and negativity. And now I thank god, myself and everyone involved for doing it! (not that it was necessary) I've suffered years-long depression, fatigue, mental break-down, physical suffering, physical abuse, abandonement.

You ARE getting through this, you CAN have your heart's desires.

PJ, do whatever you can to find RELIEF now. Will getting cataracts solve some problems for you and help you feel better sooner? Then DO IT! Don't let others' (and your own) beliefs that 'surgery is bad' stop you from getting relief right now. Besides, maybe you can grow cataracts later!

Really, when your life is falling apart, what's more important....getting yourself physically better or following some belief?

What will bring you relief right now?

What can you do that will make you feel good?

What thing, what tiny decision, can you make to help yourself feel back in control of your life?

Love

Lori

P.S. You said "my gut instincts that something else is wrong in my head"

Yes, something probably is. You are focusing on all of your problems in an obsessive way. But before you pull the drowning man out of the river, you need a rope. Get some relief. That's your rope.