Lori,

thank you.

though all be unraveling,

and I come "undone"

I am not undone,

I actually am becom---ing

You words/sharing meant alot. I was surprised it has been four days since I wrote.

Today looms large and gray,

yet I will be okay

in the end

I will find MY way, no one elses, what else can the journey entail.

I will be the relief, I will find the relief.

Frustration is a counterproductive emotion for ME.  Ihave such a desire for freedom that helpful "suggestions" ie cataract surgery is easy, simple, just 'go for it', irritates me, because I think, okay, you are suggesting I NOT listen to my body because for you it worked it will work for me.  I'm not replying to the messages below, but if they read this, I was open to what you said, it helped, it felt like I was understood. The messages below said to me, "we didn't HEAR you.  What your gut says isn't important.

Sometimes it doesn't matter what is said but what one percieves. I will do my life my way, and learn my lessons.  If they ended up with the comment that they hoped all went well for me....I will accept people and their limitations, someday, but right now, sigh....the easy "cut it out" way isn't easy for me.  I allow it to be easy for every one else. What happens if  I listen to "them" and then MY intuitions were right? If I'm wrong, I want it to be my O WN wrong.

I th ink I am getting stronger, more ME.  And eventually the world I will create, whether anyone else sees it, will be AMAZING.

thank you again Lori. I think what you offered is HOPE of getting trhough .

pj

"It is an easy procedure to get your cataracts removed. I know several people who had it done and it does not hurt and they all see great now."

It is easy, very easy.  I was in casual street clothes for the procedure and on a cart when they were prepping me for the first surgery (about a 45 minute, painless routine), and I was on an IV and obviously being given some kind of "relaxant."  (I am not a drug user, street or prescription of any kind, though I do have a little alcohol every week or two.)  I told the nurse that I was definitely coming back to get the second eye done just for the high.  Her response was "Today it's legal."  What a kick.  My vision wasn't particularly obstructed by the cataracts but what was happening is that I was blinded by the light when I went out doors and had to wear dark glasses all the time.  Sunny days were painful.

When the eye bandage was removed on the day after the first procedure I was astounded at the colors.  I hadn't seen colors in many decades.  I wasn't seeing in totally black and white, but it wasn't far from it.  The second eye was done about five weeks later.  They don't do both at the same time in case there is any complications with surgery on an eye.  My distance vision is now 20/20 and I need just a bit of magnification for reading.  Had I known how great it would be to have them removed, I would have done it much sooner.