Re: i'm evil

I'm sorry that you're experiencing what the rest of us do - Life being rough, tough, and unfair, but this is a fact of the human condition. Take heart in the fact that no religion or philosophy espouses that life is fair - on the contrary, Life is not fair and how we meet our daily challenges helps to determine what kind of individuals we'll choose to be.

This may be a weird question, but what is your definition of, "evil?" Have you deliberately done things to harm other people for your own entertainment? Have you drowned sacks of kittens in a river? Have you sought a particular type of individual so that you could shape and control that individual into an emotional whipping post? I mean, are you actually equating yourself with "evil" for a reason, or are you using that term strictly for its emotional impact?

"Evil" is a term that I reserve for the most heinous of actions. Even then, I try to avoid defining the person as being evil - just the actions (if I can manage it).

Remaining aloof, distant, and isolated gives us a false sense of emotional safety - we honestly believe that, by maintaining distance from other human beings, we'll be safe, they'll be safe, and we'll continue moving through Life without having to risk experiencing hurt. Life is full of risks and emotional taking emotional risks are just as important as bungee jumping, skateboarding, piano recitals, art gallery shows, etc. If we don't risk, we don't learn anything from our mistakes and/or successes - we just ARE.

What Zoebess has suggested is 24K GOLD - you do NOT have to buy into your past. It's a choice and not a mandate. Playing into the past accomplishes nothing other than to give ourselves the illusion of excuse: my family was dysfunctional so, therefore, I behave the way that I do and you'll just have to pardon me for my foibles. Of course, this is nonsense. I cannot name a single person that I've met during my substantial lifetime that did NOT grow up in some type of dysfunction - emotional, financial, spiritual, etc., we've all been there in some capacity or another. Perhaps, this fact might help you to move forward in realizing that you're not alone nor must you be lonely.

Altering your nutritional needs will certainly help, but you may want to consider freeing your mind, as well, just as Zoe suggested. Fear is one of the most compelling emotions that we experience and, if we feed it, it only grows bigger and stronger. There's no need to fear joining the human race and opening up the door to emotional healing. It may take for you to seek the help of a counselor in order to learn how to accept the emotional scars and see them as badges of honor rather than ugly things to hide to try to forget about. My emotional scars were instrumental in making me who I am, today. As crazy as it might sound, I wouldn't trade my experiences for ANY amount of money. Because of my past, I've evolved into a more loving, caring, responsible, and empathetic human being. I've also learned to speak Truth, even when to do so might isolate me from people that are important to me.

This will all come out in the wash, 68439, and gender has nothing to do with emotional healing. Never allow gender to enter into your emotional equation, again - it's a false screen and entirely too handy to use in avoiding the exercise of FEELING.

Best wishes to you in your journey.