Re: I listened to the link Monica provided...

I think seesawing between elation and 'blah' is the dominant state of this world,
and in fact what the forces of control would like to see people locked in--it makes them perfect consumers: of more books, food, entertainments... especially in the West, where we have so much in comparison with others. And so much marketing in favour of *not just being with yourself*! When you really look into the "blah", probably what you find there is guilt. But forget the guilt--it's just a reaction meant to make you go looking for more elation. Sounds like there's a feeling (as I'm hearing you say here) that you aren't simply sitting with "you". No distractions. No outside consolations.

When I look at your screen name it brings to mind born to reflect. I can't help feeling that's what the small voice in you would say (the still small voice spoken of as being of authentic self) IN that place near the heart where there is a flame that burns without requiring any fuel from outside, I think is where that voice comes from. Trees and outside is wonderful for the spirit--I would try to do that without taking any pictures--without trying to hold onto a past moment, but instead just allowing the grace of life to flow through you, and let it go. I sense your feeling that even this "good" appointment you have tomorrow is something you "have to do" is your still small voice trying to be heard through the outside clamour.

May I just speculate? (I don't think any of us locked in this world of materialism is much different)Is the feeling of having to go do this body-pampering pointing you to an inner cry that it is not the body that is the *true* you? If an animal you loved
(it's easier to think of another) was dying of malnutrition, would you insist on brushing and glossing its coat? I know that sounds shocking, but I think when it comes to the feeling that one is crying out inside to stop seesawing between wanting and getting and especially elation and 'flatness', it is a cry from the spirit of Silence and Stillness that it is malnourished--just as real as if it were being fed nothing but junk.

Remember the old studies that showed that animals died within a week if they were fed on processed cereals? I forget the company--anyway, the marketing whizzes managed to turn the truth around, into one of the most successful lies in marketing history--Now they announced with great pride that the cereal *with milk* was an excellent source of...blah blah. Eureka! there's the "blah". The lie of 'substance' to cover up an empty place.(a feeling of lack)

I realize this will sound harsh, but trust me, I'm as harsh (at times) with myself as with 'you'. It is the ego that constantly seesaws between joy (usually counterfeit)
and despair (ditto), because it always seeks "more". more attention, more ideas,
more distractions, more input, more adventures, more elations = more solidity and more "belief" in this body-mind as the thing that constantly needs our attention.

But it is the still small voice inside that is promising you your true joy. Imagine how lonely that part of you feels for being overlooked. But, no guilt! It's a much quieter joy. Filled with love, and nutritionally balanced. Guaranteed! Best of all (and I think your intuition is sensing this)it is not something you have to seek,
or go looking for.In fact there is nothing "needed"--ironic, given that you said you needed something.

It is already there--all "you" have to do is 'show up' and let go of "getting".
Oh--and, forgive yourself for feeling 'late'. Why not just sit and breathe slowly and gently, for about ten minutes, and thank yourself for it. Now, I'm going to go and sit with myself.

Best, Alison
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