Thank you very much for responding, I think that in a way I asked for it, I should've listened to my mother and stayed home, I should've been more responsible, I don't know... but do you think I need counseling? since I've lived liked this for so many years now? besides, I'm so embarrassesd to tell anybody, including a therapist this.... how would counseling help me now that I'm 47...? I feel like I should just tough it out... I've suffered with Depression since my very early 20's, but I don't know if this is related, is it possible that I've gotten to just accept it and I'm going to be ok? Thank you so very much.