I am ususally a very happy cheery person, but I sit here crying like a baby as I write this today....
I am really hoping last night can be the end....not even a bad night, but sooooo many times now I have said no to myself, and the phone rings and I'm out again. I love people and being social, but there must be a better way....If everyone else isn't drinking I am fine, but when someone else is drinking, or offers me a drink etc, I have been saying yes. (only for the last 2 years, as I have been doing my best to escape and abuser).
I have started my journey of healing in all other areas. Started with a parasaite cleanse, bowell cleanse, liver/kidney flushes etc, and MUCH better diet.
I let myself be torn down by another person so much that I joined in the abuse against myself instead of stopping it. I now do everything to stop it, but need the streangth to leave again. ( I left for over a year and a half, but he recently got laid off and decided to come live in our house because his name is on the mortgage) So I will have to be the one to leave yet again, but don't want to drown my worries in alcohol to cope. I want to be sober to have the focus and energy and MIND to not only survive but thrive yet again like I did before this person entered my life 5 years ago. I am the mother of his child now, so can never really escape him fully, but I need to stand weather he is around or not.
Thanks for letting me rant. I feel a whole lot better already. The water works dried up now. :)