Re: very confused...

I'm sorry for your current dilemma - many of us have been right where you are.

I was somewhat promiscuous during the wild-assed '70's & '80's. It was not uncommon for people to change partners as often as they changed their socks, or to be juggling multiple sexual interests. At the time, there were 2 things that were unthinkable: being an unwed mother, and contracting herpes. Those were the worst things that couldn've happened in our world. Today, there are many other things that one has to worry about aside from just the emotional aspects of entering into a "casual" sexual relationship with someone.

I learned through trial and error (many errors) that entering into a sexual relationship with someone raised a number of issues that I just couldn't deal with. There were disease issues - whenever I slept with someone, I was effectively sleeping with that person AND every other person that they had slept with AND every other person that they had slept with, and so on. Then, there were the emotional issues because, like it or not, there would always be an emotional connection for me regardless of how "casual" I wanted the relationship to remain. There came a point where I had to acknowledge my physical needs and attend to them without seeking a partner until I was able to define what I was seeking in a partner. Mind you, I ended up choosing an abusive NPD, but that was what I ended up doing and it doesn't mean that you (or, anyone else) will make the same stupid choice.

If I were dealing with your situation, again, I would probably do the same thing that I did back then: avoid sexual encounters with partners until I could determine what my personal goals were, what my criteria for a partner was, and focus my attention on something other than fulfilling a physical need with someone. I got myself into a number of emotionally "challenging" relationships that had begun as casual sexual encounters. For me, I had to learn the difference between physical gratification and unconditional love. Took a few decades, I must say!

Best wishes to you!