Re: very confused...

Sorry for your troubles. :-( It seems very frustrating and emotional from the reads of it. I'm quickly becoming a big fan of The Work by Byron Katie as a means for working this type of stuff out where your thoughts are running away from you making you feel bonkers. You may want to check out some videos and read on thework.com.

Either way, I'd say, go easy on yourself for putting yourself in this position. You're human and you were acting based off of needs and feelings, much as you're reacting now. Go easy on yourself, as you're a lovely person, and by extension go easy on him. Maybe after you find a calm inner place, it will be easier to find your own answers.

Take care,
Ruth