Re: I feel like I'm drowning

Hi drowning bird. I'm sorry to hear how your life has been going downhill up till this point. I'm sure you don't want to hear any cliche's like you're young and have a full life ahead of you so I won't bore you with such things. I would like you to consider options with your schooling that may give you credits on getting a pilot's license in the future- if that definitely isn't an option now. One of the most important things I have found with Depression is the need to do things for ourselves. I like you have a great capacity for wishing and some of the things I wish for are impossible, but the things that aren't are always worth trying for.

I have also been a carer for people with disabilities. They were the best years of my life in many ways. I didn't just work for clients I mad some of the best friendships I could ever hope to make while in that job. I was always there by choice not for the money and it was that choice to kept me in that job long after my stress limits had been reached and passed. I was only removed from the job in the end by the people who caused the stress (not the clients by the way) and spent a long time recovering enough to work again.

It sounds very much like you also are being worn down at least in part by your caring role in your family. There is no question you are there by choice and for the love of them also. It is important to care also for yourself, vital in fact now that you seem to be on a downward spiral. You need a break, if not from the caring role definitely from the stress that you are under. Don't underestimate the damage that stress can do to you, is doing to you. You need to make some decisions for yourself. You already choose to care for your family and do the very best you can for them at all times, and are often frustrated when they won't listen to your advice. So it's time to give yourself the same level of care and follow your own advice as best you can. If you don't care for yourself and give yourself something to live for outside of your family you may find your ability to care for them will eventually be impaired by your stress and/or depression.

So don't be afraid to be 'selfish'. It is an important step in rediscovering yourself and your happiness. Some of your wishes may be too way out, but there must be a way to set yourself on a path that satisfies at least some of your needs. Find that path and begin walking it. You don't have to leave your family behind, you just have to start building up a new life parallel to them so to speak.

I hope some of my ramblings are helpful to you. And I wish you the best in getting through this down period in your life.

Take care,

Andrew.