Re: Help with social anxiety

My heart goes out to you. I suffered from social anxiety for years. I had counselling, tried drugs etc but they got me nowhere. I was so bad I couldn't leave the house for a couple of years.

The roots/causes of social anxiety are complex. Certainly, as the other responders to this message have pointed out, low self-esteem and childhood traumas are major contributing factors. One thing I've found is that, however hard it might seem at the time, you've got to face up to those situations you feel uncomfortable in. The more you avoid them, the worse they will become. Another important thing to remember is that even when you feel horribly self-conscious and ill at ease, people are unlikely to be that much aware of it. Sometimes I've told people about my social anxiety and they've been astonished. They've often taken me to be a confident sort of bloke. Most people are so wrapped up in themselves and so worried about what others think of them (i.e. people just like us) they seldom have time to closely observe other people's behaviour.

Remember that everyone has got their hang ups too. Although not all people have social anxiety you can be pretty sure that most of them, at least at some point in their lives, have suffered or suffer from some kind of psychological issue.Also remember that no one(apart from yourself, maybe) expects you to be perfect and if you were they'd probably like you less .

It may take years to heal, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. This problem ,if only you knew it, is in fact a blessing in disguise. It is the manifestation of a deeper part of yourself that is seeking to be acknowledged and understood. Eventually, if you are patient, one day you'll uncover this part of yourself and your life will be much richer for it.

Everyone is different, but for me the thing which helped me most was the discovery of vipassana meditation. This transformed my life and gave me the strength and the insight to face my demons. I can't recommend it too highly. Check out
http://www.dhamma.org.
The Vipassana Trust is a charity orgainzation and the courses are free. They are non-religious although the meditation technique itself is a Buddhist one.

Anotther thing that might help you in the short term are Bach flower remedies. For anxiety I've found Sweet Chestnut to be the most effective. Rescue remedy is not bad also. You can use them as a crutch when you've got to face uncomfortable situations. Load up on them if you want. They aren't drugs-you can't O.D. on them or become addicted to them. Slowly over time as you gain in confidence you'll find you don't need them anymore.

Hope this helps a bit. Good luck and enjoy your journey. Tweet