Much of your story mirrors mine. Especially the trouble learning to trust and be willing to risk more hurt and humiliation. When I finally did open myself to loving and being loved I was quite suddenly and cruelly dumped for someone much younger and prettier. All the little girl pain and fears came back with a vengeance. I often wonder how all this has affected my health and healing.
Thank you for this, as hard as it is, I am more determined than ever to defeat the emotional demons that seem to cause the self-defeat in my life. While I would never wish that kind of pain and loneliness on anyone, it does help to realize we are not alone with our emotional pain and struggles.