overcomming abuse 
#68915
18 y
1,503
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Pretty much all of my life I have been abused, when I was a child it wasn't physically, more like verbally and mentally. My dad was nowhere to be found and my mom was an alcoholic, I would always go to sleep to the sound of her and her boyfriend fighting. Every time I would ask my mom questions she would either tell me some %¤#&!§-answer like when I asked where chocolate milk came from she said it came from brown cows. That was one of the few questions she actually did answer, she usually just told me to shut up every time I asked her anything. Then she quit drinking due to DUIs and AA meetings and started doing methamphetamines instead. The cupboards were always bare and she was always either really high or comming down, the come downs were the worst because I would always get screamed at by her for little to no reason at all.
Now I have a lot of mental problems (not to mention health problems) because of it and I always seem to end up with boyfriends who beat on me. I have been told that I act like a crackhead when I am mad and I have never even touched meth. I know it is probably because how my methed out mom acted around me when I was growing up. Does anyone know of any ways I could help naturally heal my personality from these flaws that I inherited from my mother? I can't afford counseling.- Re: overcomming abuse wombat
18 y
1,952
R
This is a reply to # 739,297There are a couple of things that I would suggest. The first thing is...stop dating, for now.
The second thing is, learn to love yourself. & That's why it's important for you to stop dating. It seems that you are attracting abusive men & I'm sure that that is a direct result of your upbringing. You need to learn to love & value yourself for the beautiful person you are...so that you can attract that kind of energy into your life.
How do you learn to love yourself? Well, here's a few ideas...Take stock of your good qualities & they ARE there, even though it sounds as though you have been very neglected & very unappreciated. I see a couple of good qualities right off. You realize that there is a HUGE problem with the example you've been shown and you want to change, to stop the cycle. Unfortunately, some of us are only offered lessons in how "not" to live...but they are still lessons, nonetheless. You have a VERY clear example of what a good life is NOT!! Look for the blessings in this & they ARE there...you have had it pretty rough so far & I'm sure that it's made you pretty tough! So you CAN do this!
And, as bad as some of us have it, there are always those who have it worse. So I would suggest finding some volunteer work, maybe at an animal shelter or an old folks home or...maybe with a local environmental group? You would have the chance to give some love and you will surely find that love returned. That is an immediate way to change the cycle that you are now caught up in...
And Finally, there are books out there and techniques that can help you. I would strongly suggest visiting the Affirmations forum on this website. A book that I've heard is good is "You can Heal your Life" by Louise Hay...
Just a few thoughts, I hope this helps.. :)- Re: overcomming abuse Madame Wombat lightbringer
18 y
1,679
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This is a reply to # 739,334Madame Wombat,
Thanks for giving that young Lady such good sound advice,you may have just saved that childs life. I admire your ability care and share in such a loving manner. In all probability she will be more receptive of the advice from another Lady. Journey on and have a great week.
Sincerely I C L
- Re: overcomming abuse Madame Wombat wombat
18 y
1,334
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- Re: overcomming abuse #68915
18 y
1,358
This is a reply to # 739,907I did read it but it's a bit more complicated than you think. I can't exactly avoid dating because I am currently living with my boyfriend and I don't have any family that I could live with. It was a nice idea that you mentioned about joining non profit organizations to feel good but in all reality I don't have transportation right now and there is no public transportation on the mountain where I live. Plus it isn't like I have the money for transportation, I don't even have a job right now. Other than that I dont really think I could afford to devote a lot of my time to something without getting paid for it. If I had transportation I would have a job right now, the transportation issue is the only reason I don't have one. I still havent even been able to do some of the cleanses that I would like to do. Anyway, despite the things that I found to be somewhat impossible for me to do I did find a good piece of advice in what you wrote, the part about loving myself... I suppose I need to work on that. Thanks for caring.
- Re: overcomming abuse wombat
18 y
1,378
MoreThis is a reply to # 739,933Hmmm...so you're without transportation...Thank goodness for the world wide web! Here is something that was given to me on this website...
http://guyfinley.achieveradio.com/#arch
Guy Finley!! He is AWESOME! All about freeing up your mind! & DO visit the affirmations forum, check out Owen's affirmations.
Also, a REALLY EASY way to start feeling good about yourself is to do one thing perfectly...I dunno, clean out the fridge, shine everything that's shinable, just do a REALLY good job of it. This sounds kind of silly but it really works! The care that you take in doing the simple things will start adding up. & While you're doing it, try to keep the mindset that you are doing it to manifest the beauty & order that you can create...does that make sense?
Also, do something nice for yourself...give yourself a facial, there is a beauty tips support forum here & Ana has a natural beauty blog...should be lots of tips there!
& You live in the mountains? That's awesome! We do too! We are so lucky to be able to breathe clean air...get out there & walk! What a blessing to be able to live so close to nature...
So, you're kind of "stuck" right now? Does your boyfriend beat you? Do you think that this relationship can be made to work? Do you think that you will be able to grow as a person in this relationship?- Re: overcomming abuse #68915
18 y
1,385
This is a reply to # 739,947Well about the doing one thing perfectly, I do everything I can perfectly. I am a perfectionist. Thanks for the tip of what to think about while doing it, I never thought of it like that before. About the beaty and facial things, I already do stuff like that but I have had stretch marks since age 12 (grew tall too fast) and when I asked my mom about them she never had an answer for me so they just got worse. I am only 23 and I started getting vericose veins really bad on my legs and even a couple small ones on my face. I started taking bee pollen and they quuit comming for awhile but when I ran out and didn't get anymore for awhile I started getting them again. Now I have more pollen and I am also taking ACV daily and I havent really had anymore of my veins die since then. I was really stupid for a long time because I had to drop out of school due to so many moves because my mom kept losing the houses my brother's grandma would pay for her to get into. Another reason why I was stupid is because I don't think my mom really taught me anything growing up. Anyway, I have a really low self esteem since my veins started dying off and I have always been self councious about my stretch marks.
I am not really sure if I can grow in this relationship with my bf, he was abused too, his dad beat him as a kid. He really wants to change, he seems to maybe have gotten better but he really needs to quit drinking. I have known him since I was a kid and we were just reunited about a year ago. He wants to change but he has a really bad temper. He always points out my flaws when we fight and I never say anything about his flaws untill he pushes me too far by pointing out mine. It just really hurts me when he calls me names. I never do it to him. He hits me sometimes but he might be getting better because last time we faught I hit him and he didnt hit me back, he just held me down. I hit him because he threw my plant on the ground and broke some of the vines off and a bunch of the leaves and it made me cry, I love that plant, it never did anything to him, it couldn't fight back. But anyways I need to hurry and close this before he comes home. I will message back later.- Re: overcomming abuse wombat
18 y
1,503
This is a reply to # 739,955
//www.curezone.org/dis/1.asp?C0=358
To find out about any health/beauty issue use the Curezone google search box in the upper right corner of the forum page.
I do see, though, that you are focusing on the negative & you're certainly not alone there! Women have it so hard in this society with the way the media portrays us!
When I was a teenager I DEVOURED magazines..."17" & "teen". I studied hairstyles & make-up tips. At that time (the 70's, I'm 47 now). The "ideal beauty" had a "perfect" oval face. I always thought that my face was too wide so I tortured my hair so that it halfway covered my cheekbones. & this was in the days of Farrah Fawcett hair so you can imagine...I didn't know at the time that all the models were airbrushed, lit & half-starved! Nowadays they alter photos with computers & movie stars are made up of silicone, collagen & silly putty!
We ALL have "flaws"!
The stretch marks aren't going to hurt you...although I'm sure that you can find a way to minimize their appearance. The varicose veins are a health issue and it sounds as though you are attending to that. Do check out that link, though.
Now, I don't think that you're stupid. It sounds as though you are uneducated. There is a HUGE difference. There are a lot of stupid people running around with degrees! Somewhere along the way, you learned to express yourself VERY clearly and you learned to reach out for help! That is NOT stupid! THAT is SMART, My dear! Give yourself a pat on the back!
Have you gotten your high school diploma? If not, have you looked into getting your G.E.D.? If not, you really need to do that. That will open doors for you. You will be able to go to college, if you desire!
Now, about that relationship...it DEFINITELY sounds as though you & your boyfriend know how to push each others buttons. You need to learn to change your behavior so that you & he get out of the "action"-"reaction" cycle that you are in. Focus on YOUR change. Not his. Yes, I'm sure that he needs to quit drinking, there is no way that you can make him do that. All that you can do is change yourself.
Now, for the ins & outs of how to deal with that? Well, think about what triggers your fights. NOT about what he does, even if he is the one to "start" it. Think about how YOU contribute to this cycle. If you two are like most couples, you have the same fight (with variations) all the time. What can YOU do to change this pattern?
Meditate on this... :)
- Re: overcomming abuse wombat
18 y
1,503
- Re: overcomming abuse #68915
18 y
1,385
- Re: overcomming abuse wombat
18 y
1,378
- Re: overcomming abuse #68915
18 y
1,358
- Re: overcomming abuse Madame Wombat wombat
18 y
1,334
- Re: overcomming abuse Madame Wombat lightbringer
18 y
1,679
- Re: overcomming abuse hnasc
18 y
1,540
This is a reply to # 739,297I think you have taken the first step toward healing the past just by speaking out about it and asking for help.
There are components in my own life that are similar to yours and, like you, I grew up poor and couldn't afford counseling either but I found free counseling through the mental health centers in my area. Please check, there may be a free option for beginning to find a way to talk about these things.
Churches are another good place to go for help. Many churches offer free counseling or they have funds in place to help those who cannot afford counseling to get it, free of charge.
On a practical side, and from a spiritual perspective, a lot of my personal work was healing the child within me, more than the adult. I did this through rediscovering what I loved as a child, what made me happy, and doing some of those creative, fun things again. I also got a lot of energetic healing work, like Reiki, which you may or may not be open to exploring. It helped me tremendously.
You might also look around online for more forums whose members have been abused. You might benefit from hearing the stories of others and how they started on the road back to wholeness.
I just want you to know that there is a way out of the pain and that healing is possible.
- Re: overcomming abuse wombat
18 y
1,952
R
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