Maybe it's just me, but if I had a honey that faked organisms time and time again, I'd have to correct it immediately or drop her and try someone else. Obviously I'm not as talented as I advertise to be OR she's as frigid as an Eskimo Pie. It's really tough to type on a keyboard just what goes into making organisms happen. Hands-on training is what's needed. Typically, women want clitoral stimulation...sounds like you are in the right neighborhood but can't find the house. This may be a jolt to your ego, but why don't you ASK HER what she needs to organism. SHOW ME THE ORGANISM! SHOW ME THE ORGANISM! Maybe you're just off center of the correct "address" and she's been too uninterested to "open the door and accept the mail". We men need EXACT addresses in order to deliver the goods. Class is in session.

Yes.

Here's the deal.

YOU ARE DOING ABSOLUTELY ALL THAT YOU CAN DO.

Do not develop a guilt mechanism over this.

I am sixty years or so old, in superior physical condition, since I did not grow up on candy , cokes fast food, prepared mixes or cheerios.

Plus we got tons of excercise.

I too am as kind and gentle a guy who ever lived, where women are concerned.

When I finally walked away from a situation such as you describe, and was single for seven years in San Francisco, I knew lots of ladies. No, I don't mean just sex, for that is NOT what any real man or real woman wants, and it's a damned mistake, as I believe you are doing, to try to build a relationship with sex as the primary "standard".

I met women..........we were mostly in our thirties then...when I was thirty nine, I was with a lady ten years older for a couple of years.

She had not been "with a guy" for ten years at that point, and was a virgin when she married.

Yet she was bright, energetic, highly intelligent, and the like.

But because I only know ONE way to treat a woman, and that is with total love, concern, respect, etc, she easily O'd the first time ..

Another woman was like a movie star. Five kids, but a flat tummied very pretty woman with perfect posture, which is probably a turn on for you as well.

She had never had an O. Married with five kids and beautiful.

But that soon ended about two AM.........

A close friend introduced me to a nurse once........I drove seventy miles to a "date" and we went to dinner nice and she was easy to talk with, a country woman with no pretensions. Nice.

But had been married TWICE, and was a nurse.

Two strikes against me, as far as scares are concerned.

(Nurses have seen lots of guys and their "stuff".........and who knows how "lucky" the other guys might have been in that area, etc...the usual fears of a guy)

But a towering O developed for her, after which came the tears for most of the night, for, you guessed it, her first O at age thirty seven.

but NO ONE ELSE HAD EVER JUST TOUCHED HER GENTLY AND SPOKE TO HER AND SOUGHT THE RESPONSES AND BUILT ON THEM.

Can you believe it?

So yes , I have known five women who, all the way up to FORTY NINE, had never had an O

Now for the finale.

At first, most any woman is interested and APPEARS more sexy than they really are. IRRESPECTIVE OF HOW WONDERFUL OR SKILLED THEY ARE TREATED OR PREPARED.

Often, if previously married, it has been a year or three or ten, or in one case, fourteen years since they had been with a guy...........and no, not masturbating either. Not the old fashioned women from my era.


Then they get lonely, and soon they reach out to a guy, confusing loneliness with love, and give themselves too freely to dudes who don't deserve the free sex. This further warps their reactions.

BUT NOW TO CLOSE. Some women and many men JUST HAVE A VERY VERY LOW SEX DRIVE, and all too often, since a woman especially will act sexier that she may actually be, first because she has had NO love making, O or not, for a long time, and second, to secure a marriage or at least a "steady".

In a very short time, the guy, OR the woman, finds that the sex drive difference between them is like oceans apart.

Take away illness, for if a man is a man, and his lady develops menstrual or other difficulties, who but a NO GOOD would do anythng but help her to get well no matter the effort or cost.

And sometimes that is done for ten to twenty years.

But when that has been done, the drive still is not there.

By then, most of life has passed by the one with the serious need for sexual AND ROMANTIC expression, and bitterness sets in, for one is now getting older and hasn't had ANY sex for years, even though skirts still blow up in the wind,and that is a tough thing to deal with when you still react as though you were 18. More or less.

THAT IS WHAT CAN TAKE PLACE if you don't resolve this now.

She felt something with that other dude? No doubt just the first time excitement and scare.

Or maybe a lie to control you..throw you off guard, etc

Believe me, he did not "do" something that you did not.

She is just doing a control number on you by letting you think it's your fault.

Find a woman and do NOT look for sex right away. Find a woman that you can L O V E with all of your heart. That you can read with, smile with , walk with, say nothing for hours with, and let your heart and soul develop a love that at this point may be something you have never experienced.

In that way, by the time marriage and /or sex becomes imminent, you will be able to be very very honest with each other, so that lives are not destroyed by this disparity of sexual need.

No one is right or wrong here. You are only wrong if you let guilt develop, for IF YOU DO you will be damned sorry, for that will register in your mind as failure and that will transfer to your sexual apparatus, causing high anxiety and failure.

Nip this in the bud, and move on AFTER you first try to be a real man and get her to talk.

Sounds like childhood abuse to me.

More girls than you can EVER imagine have had that.

And if not sexual , they have had verbal abuse like crazy.

And this lack of self esteem or expression holds back the sexual adventure as well........

Try. Find a..wait, if you are a Christian...heck , or even if you are not...try to find someone who may be able to help her reach way down deep and let the hurt be exposed so that she can deal with it consciously.

And no, no real guy or woman would just "use" another,even if they offered.

YOU have expressed that quite well in your note.

Best to you.

DudeThat'sBeenThere

Man ,you have to face it ,she sees you as a very close friend & nothing more. You just dont turn her on so the chemistry is not there. For both your sakes find another relationship as yours is doomed to be platonic,!