ReginaSpeck
Dear friends,
I am an Italian girl(so,please, forgive my english), age 26.
I've suffered by depression my WHOLE life and went on and of different kinds od theraphies but never got a full solution to my problems.
I travel between moments of intense euphoria- during which I feel like a superhero,I do A LOT of things,I have an intense social life,do sport,look good(to me)- and DEEP and UNBEARABLE depression.
I am on my last month on my aboard 8-months exeperience of studying aboard (I won a scolarship).The first 3-4 months were glorious! I travelled a lot,studied a lot, got even a small job to have some extra money to spend on my travelling but starting from,I'd say mid-february, I begun to feel "odd" again...I shut down a lot of friendships and have neglected the University...I only kept my job and for the rest I spent a lot of time at home doing nothing but eating.
I managed to gain 10 kgs in 2 months by eating exclusivly junk food (I don't remember the last time I had a proper meal) and stopping exercising.
The more weight I put on,the less I want to go out,the less I go out the more I feel lonely,the more I feel lonely the more I punish myself by eating and eating and neglecting everything else...My clothes don't fit anymore...I haven't go out in exactly 40 days with my friends and last time I did all I could think about was to run at home and hide from them and eat in my bed.
During my "depressive states" turning to food has always been a constant but never to the point when I wait for my roomies to go to bed to go straight to the kitchen and eat a whole pack of plain butter.
THAT'S WHEN IT HIT ME!!!
Depression is something very misterious!It's ,of course, based on the lack of some biochemical substnces but I DO BELIVE that in same case we can use "tools to adapt to these "lack of something" and live like regular people who have the lack of not experiencing the dull pain depressed people do.
Sure,everybody can act crazy or have a bad day sometimes...but belive me,it is different from spending two entire months eating under your covers without exact reasons.
I begun to study in my mind the connection between my depressed states and food and got to the crazy idea that maybe these 2 months of !CRAZY BINGING! (something I never experienced in my whole life..I'm talking like eating 2 pack of cereals and 2 litres of milk in 2 hours,followed by 5 sandwhiches made with nothing but mayonese and ketchup) may be my boody sending a message!
Can my depression be a result of an eating disorder/food addiction and not the other way around? O__O
I sarted to think at the first memories of my deep sense of alienation...And It comes to my mind when I was a kid and ridiculed for being fat (I was on cortisone for a large period of my life cause of a seriuos auto-immune desease) and hating myself for not match the standars of other kids; and then I think of all the moments I felt truly happy or my state of euphoria that always have me exercising and eating healthy...
Can be that my diet is triggering buttons that worsen my DEPRESSION????
That's when I started reading about WATER FASTING!
The only Idea GOT ME EXCITED!
I've been trying literally everything and I want to give this a try...I read a lot of people got benefits from fasting in regards to food addiction and depression and I wonder if this can be my case.
I am in a place where I don't care if it will work or not...I am not going out anyway and I have more or less 40 days left before have to go back home...can be this the chance to RESET?
The worst it can happen is losing a few pounds and detox,no? So let's give a try...
I Know It is not this easy to do it...especially for a food addict but maybe my current desperation and my epiphany will help me to get through the first few days and go on for a month or so...
Please,wish me luck!!!
I will keep a diary/journal for motivation on this site...
Even if I doubt everybody is reading this...I talk way too much hahahahah