...you might wanna read this in 'sections' cuz I'm jammed a LOT into this post :)

Great news about the ileoceal issue!  It didn't just "go away"...it went away because you did what it takes to heal yourself!  GOOD FOR YOU!

And if you 'do what it takes' with the withdrawal from the benzos, you'll also end up being just fine (I'm 100% sure of it)...and even though it's really hard and you have brain fog & depression from the benzos (and the candida to deal with), you still have do 'do what it takes'.

jboy, you know that I know that you are your own person and you are the one that's responsible for making all the choices for your life & your body (and you're the one that will live with the consequences of your actions, good or bad)...not me and not anyone else.  It's my job to be responsible for me, and to do the absolute best I can to help other people...and I have to live with the consequences of my actions, too. 

That being said, I am going to 'do my best' to help you, and what you decide to do with the information is up to you.

The number one rule in benzo addiction withdrawal is to NEVER withdraw too quickly. 

--Never make a dose cut bigger than 10% (unless you're absolutely sure you can handle it...and even if you believe you can handle it, if the symptoms are continuing to worsen, it means you need to make smaller cuts)

--Always give your body at least 2 weeks (some people need 3 weeks) to stabilize between dose cuts (unless you're absolutely sure you can handle it...and even if you believe you can handle it, if the symptoms are continuing to worsen, it means you need to take more time to stabilize).

If people don't do both of these things, the 'consequence of their action' is that their withdrawal symptoms worsen (something that seems clear to me is happening to you, because you're a long way 'back' from where you were at 25-30mgs), and finally the symptoms get so bad they have to stop withdrawing, restabilize, and start all over. The worst thing is (and it's very common) is that to reach the point they are stabilized again, they have to take even MORE than they were taking when they started withdrawing.

>>> I'm still cutting 1mg a week an it seems to be going better than the 2.5 every 2 weeks, that gave me INTENSE REACTIONS. Insomnia, night sweats, crying, paralyzed limbs when sleeping etc..<<<

I'm not surprised that a 10% dose cut caused that reaction (it's very typical).  Some people choose to 'tough it out' because it diminishes substantially after a few days, and by the end of two or three weeks they are restabilized and basically 'back to where they were'.  Other people choose to cut a smaller percentage like you did, and that is perfectly okay (and totally understandable)...IFyou take 2-3 weeks between dose cuts to restabilize!  If you don't, you are adding one weeks withdrawal symptoms to the next weeks...and they will pile up until you finally crash and have to stop withdrawing (and then start all over again).

Because Valium has such an excessively long half-life, the dose cut you make on (say) a Monday, will not even be completely felt until 7-10 days later (especially if your liver clearance is low/slow, and yours has to be because of the candida/alcohol issue).  That means that you're making another dose cut before you've even clearly felt the resuslts from the last dose cut...and that your body is have ZERO DAYS to adjust and restabilize before you're yanking more away.

Listen and hear yourself: >>>Every single day I wake up i think about dying, no joke. I don't think i'm at the point of suicide, but it's on my mind at least 5 times a day.... I can't handle it much longer and want a bullet in my head...only thing keeping me alive is my mom and the love I have for a girl. i'm scared to live, an scared to die....I don't know, maybe i'm just in withdrawal constantly now. I've read about "benzo brain" like a constant fog. an my lack of energy....so even when I get off the benzos i'm gonna be in trouble I think and i'm scared.... i'm turning 26 on june 4th. I honestly believe in my heart i'll die before 27.<<<

YES!  You are in "withdrawal constantly, but you don't have to be if you'll give your body 2-3 weeks to stabilize & recover between doses.

YES! this is very true >>>THe only reason i'm any better is cause I stabilized on benzos <<<  ...and the reason you're feeling like you were feeling before you stabilized is because you're not allowing your body to 'catch up' and restabilize between the dose cuts.  You're not even giving you & your body enough time to be completely finished with one cut before you make another...let alone giving yourself enough time to stabilize BETWEEN cuts.

The way to get through this is to make a cut, then give yourself the 7-10 days it takes for your blood level of Valium to drop completely, 'feel & discern the symptoms', then give your body a week or two to stabilize from that cut.  Once you're stabilized, THEN make another dose cut.  OR, if you want to 'take a breather' and have a few days where you're not pulling out your hair and thinking of suicide everything few hours, then give yourself a few more days before you cut.

If you do it this way (the way the world's authorities on benzo withdrawal advise), you'll quickly start to see a pattern and a rhythm that you can deal with (and understand!).  And you'll know that there's light at the end of the tunnel (and relief) after every dose cut once your body starts stabilizing to the cut.  THAT is where you recharge your battery; that is where you get the strength and fortitude to deal with the next cut in dose; that is how you "make it through".

If you hurry, if you race through benzo withdrawal, it's almost a surety that you'll have to start over.  Early on I said that this could be really tough for you because you're young...and even though you've proven to be VERY mature for your age, it seems that only 'years' teach most of us to understand the truth of "short term loss, long term gain".  Benzo are THE most vicious chemical to withdraw from that's ever been created; I know you understand 'all too well' why the suicide rate is phenomenal.  It's just not a race you can win by going faster...in fact, it's not a race at all, it's a war where "slow & consistent" is the only way to a strong victory. 

jboy, your posts are starting to sound more and more like the early days.  Please, please PLEASE consider going back up a milligram or two, and hanging there for a couple-three weeks before cutting any more.  And if you won't consider that, PUH-LEEZ start giving yourself 2-3 weeks to stabilize between dose cuts.  Once you've done that a couple-three times, you'll recognize the pattern & rhythm, and you'll have so much more control over what you're experiencing (and so much more relief from the constant benzo hell).

***

Nutrition - >>>plain an simple, i have to work. Or i can't support myself, won't have money for herbs/juicing<<<

Of course, you have to work for money...and 12 hours a day doesn't leave much time at all.  But let's be real...your body NEEDS adequate nutrition/fuel to function, and if you don't get adequate nutrition you're going to develop new symptoms (because your body won't have the fuel/energy to fight anything).  You're working a construction job that I assume requires a LOT of fuel...but a quart of juice, rice and 4T of Superfood simply isn't enough (with or without a few other things thrown in).  One thing you can do is make a BIG pot of veggie/grain/bean soup (or something like the Hippocrates soup) on one of your days off, bag it up and put it in the freezer, and you'll have soup/broth easily available every day you're working.  Here's a basic "recipe":

Take a huge pot and put about 1/2 cup of olive oil in it, with a couple of chopped onions, a lot of chopped garlic, and some chopped hot peppers, and saute all that together.  Then throw in a couple of cups of whole grains (my favorite is barley).  Turn it to low heat and fill the pot up about 1/4 way with water and start adding chopped veggies (lots of cabbage :) and greens until the pot is about half full (make sure to get lots of celery and/or seaweed for sodium)- then add a couple of big cans of chopped tomatoes (and a few bay leaves if you have them),  That'll be REALLY "thick" (and it'll get thicker as the grain swells).  Add more water until the pot is 3/4+ full, bring it to a boil, put a lid on it, and cut the heat to low...and let 'er simmer for a few hours.  If the pot is big enough, you can eat off that 'hour of effort' for a couple of weeks!

I totally understand about the pollen reaction...give it a try again when you feel you can.  In the meantime, a thread from tellurider & chiontherainbowbridge just reminded me http://curezone.com/forums/am.asp?i=1818476 (be sure to check out the info in her post)...Chia seeds would be PERFECT for you! 

Cheap, easy, no-taste, and the gel is not only ultra-easy for your body to assimilate, but it's an absolutely a fantastic way to hydrate yourself (a very 'slow feed')  without throwing your salt/electrolyte balance into the crapper!  Only $8 a pound at Mountain Rose http://www.mountainroseherbs.com/sprouting/sprouting_seeds.php#h_c_chia

They are virtually tasteless and you can sprinkle them on anything (ultra tiny lil' guys).  But the best thing you can do is make "Chia Gel" and put the gel into your juices.  It's super easy!!!  Just put 1/3 cup of the seeds and 2 cups of water in a canning jar, and shake 'em up...then shake 'em up again 10-15 minutes later.  Done.  Scoop out a few spoonfuls of the gel and add it to anything & everything (3-4 T of gel a few times daily is good).

>>>I DID JUST CUT OUT SALT. I won't be eating it.<<<  Please be careful & cautious.  Yes, we can get all the salt we need without salt, but as you know - when then adrenals are heavily compromised, the salt/electrolyte balance is skewed substantially (when you drink a lot of water, this always happens).  Adding salt relieves the symptoms but sets up 'rollercoaster' of dehydration/electrolyte imbalance.  I don't recommend going from a substantial amount of salt to absolutely none...and be SURE you're getting lots of high sodium veggies/seaweeds if you don't want to run into difficulties (as in, the high sodium/veggie/mineral broth I suggested).  In your situation, cutting out salt without substituting something else wouldn't be something I advise.

>>>I wanna get tested for lyme cause someone said it can show no symptoms an lower your immune system an the IP wont cure it. he said after he got rid of lyme his candida was cured in amonth. <<< 

Hmmm, most MDs (and NDs many times) use extremely strong antibiotics for Lyme...and that would worsen candida substantially, regardless of what 'someone' said.  Since candida/Lyme symptoms are very similar (and people often are very confused about "which they cured" and how), be very questioning & discerning. when listening to "someone's". Yes, it lowers your immune system (any pathogen does that; candida is very hard on the immune system) (:::grinning::: you really are in brainfog-land if you think the IP won't beat Lyme, but that's not an issue because you're a long way from doing the full IP - and if you've already tested negatively for Lyme and you do have candida, then it's highly unlikely you have Lyme). 

jboy, I just know you're going to feel MUCH better (and much more clear-headed & less depressed) when you start focusing on "short term loss = long term gain", and stop cutting your Valium so quickly.  Once your symptoms lighten up a bit, you'll be able to function and think SO much better, and be able to get some soup/broth (or something else) "pre-made" so you'll be able to give your body the fuel it needs to power you through work & withdrawal.  Ask me anytime for recipe ideas :)

What is most important is that you WIN (and I am sure you can!).  So give yourself a lil' break from withdrawing (maybe up your dose a  milligram or two), and give yourself a couple-three weeks to recover & recharge.  Then start again with a strong strategy that will keep you consistently moving forward at a slow & even pace...and you'll find you won't have to suffer as much (and that you'll be a MUCH stronger warrior)!!!

I gotta tell you jboy, I really admire you.  You are a VERY strong and courageous man to be handling all this.  I wish I could give a big dose of your willpower to everyone in the world!  We're all 100% behind you with our prayers, our encouragment and our love!

Blessings aplenty --

Uny