I am having some serious issues with... 
pkaos82
17 y
4,683
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Well hello I am new to the boards here but I wanted to post on here because I am having problems in my current relationship. Well first off I'm 25 years old and well I was a virgin. I just had sex for the first time with my current girlfriend. Well she obviously wasn't a virgin and because I am we have been having some problems with our relationship. While we were trying to have sex it seems to take make a longer period of time to get erect and when I do actually have sex I ejaculate pretty much upon penetration so she remained unsatisfied. Well I think she was okay with it the first time it happened because well it was my first time but I have since tried to have sex with her about six times I say in the last few weeks and either I failed to get hard enough for penetration or I ejaculated prematurely.
I really don't know what to do about this situation because my girl isn't interested in foreplay or anything like that and is against oral sex even for herself and she only wants penetration so she is practically freaking out about it. I try to explain that maybe its because of my lack of experience in that area but she won't hear it. I don't know she just isn't the type of woman to really touch on me at all during sex. Sure we kiss and all and I touch her and Im trying to make her feel good but she doesn't really do so for me, but she expects me to simply get hard just by looking at her or by kissing her and it seems like she doesn't even want to try its so weird this is my first sexual relationship really so I wonder is that how its supposed to be then? She pretty much doesn't want to even try to have sex with me now because she feels I won't ever be able to satisfy her. I mean I'm really trying to satisfy her and I have even suggested alternate means of that to no avail at this point I am running out of options and it just seems she is so unwilling to compromise maybe I'm asking too much of her.
It like I'm being punished for not having sex for so long I mean to me I wanted to have sex with only one woman the one I would marry and I plan on marrying the one I'm with now I love her dearly but she is making it so hard. It like she is so sexually experienced in things and I'm not so she just assumes that I can't get better at it. From what I understand sex is something you get better at the more times you do it right? She never starts any sexual acts with me because of the situation and I have to start everything at which her response is to look at me as if she is uninterested or bored which pretty much makes me feel stupid its so frustrating. She really has me thinking that something is wrong with me because I'm not like her other boyfriends and to me that's messed up and if maybe it is something wrong with me physical what can I do to really fix it I wonder?
It not like I don't want to be better sexually and I'm not trying to. What do you think I should do about this I appreciate any advice you could give me on the matter I really don't know where to go with this one and I could just use some good advice on where a good starting point would be for me to get past this. I really do love her and I would like to continue our relationship.
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- Re: I am having some serious issues ... Zoebess
17 y
3,999
This is a reply to # 1,031,173Advertisement
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In this age of sexually transmitted disease, it
can be a valid and healthy choice to abstain from
sex until you fall in love. Unfortunately, although
you are in love, your partner is not, and imho, it
is your partner who has some sexual issues. It is
normal to want and need to be touched and for
arousal to be a process. It is normal for the
woman to also need and want this arousal. That your
partner totally skips this whole aspect to the sex
act is a red flag. Now, she is indicating an
unwillingness to even have sex with you. While it
may hurt and be emotionally painful, you may be
very fortunate to discover this now since she also
is not willing, it seems, to work out these issues
and so clearly she is not in love with you and you
are on different pages relative to what you want
and need.
You may have to consider that this person is not
the one you want to spend the rest of your life
with. Can you really imagine seven, ten, or twenty
years down the line laying in bed with an emotionally
stone cold woman??
As for your ejaculation issues, this can be worked
on by self-pleasuring and when you reach the point
of ejaculating, backing off. There are good books
on sexuality too..Mantak Chia has more than a few
you may find very helpful, and Amazon carries them
all...
http://www.amazon.com/Taoist-Secrets-Love-Cultivating-Sexual/dp/0943358191/re...
If you are determined to work through these issues
with your partner, you will have to become a strong
communicator and discuss them with your girlfriend.
If your concerns are met with indifference, do not
take it personally, just understand the best thing
may have happened and open yourself up to other
relationships which have the potential for a sexually
and emotionally satisfying union.
be happy, be well,
Zoe
-_-
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- Re: I am having some serious issues ... lightstream
17 y
3,769
This is a reply to # 1,031,190I second this guys opinion.
Also, Learn self-control. When a man has developed true self-control, his woman will know it, & it can be very satisfying for both, & very empowering, but even with this, a partner who is not mature/developed emotionally/spiritually enough to apreciate it, will not, no matter what you do.
It takes a while to purify the mind of past lustful entrapments, & in these modern times, I do not know how a healthy person (physically) is capable of it without some serious divine help.
Brahmacharya is wonderful. As far as pleasing a woman goes, the art of teasing, it's mastery, can be very rewarding. I do not know if a simple google search for "sexual teasing" would really teach you what you need to know. The idea is to show her your own self-control, that you have the ability to make the whole process as long & drawn out as you like, & make her want & desire you, & ultimately beg & scream for you. If you can get her to the point where she's begging & screaming for you to just insert yourself, it probably wont matter that much wether you unload on entrance or not, but even if you do get her satisfied in this manner, great sex wont make a relationship work, & niether will having a woman who desires you grately. Whatever is involved in making a relationship really work, I'm not sure, but I think it is impossibly unless the other partner is also willing to be open, honest, kkind, considerate, & grow/heal, also. If she's not willing to be vulnerable w/ you & do learn w/ you, I'd talk about it w/ someone you can trust who has good experience w/ healthy relationships before you make any major commitments. Someone who can keep a secret, even.
Personally, I have not had sucessful long-term relationships (& I'd like to hear the opinions of those who have), but I've had great sex with my ex-wife, when we were married, & I feel, that being with a woman who doesnt deny her man, even if he's not very desired at the moment, is very endearing, loving, and a wonderful gift/blessing, as long it doesnt turn in to resentment & bitterness, but even with that wonderful blessing holding the marriage together, if she is a liar, & a tyrant, & yells & swears at you, or beats you, nothing can hold such a relationship together, but seperation or death. Choosing the wrong woman for marriage can become a total hellish nightmare, which can leave a man wishing for death. Choosing a woman to marry, because one gave in to lustful temptation & wants to somehow make the sin right, or blessed with marriage, doesnt work either. Also, choosing to replace the joys of marriage, with the desires of worldly entrapments - outside of marriage, even if real sex isnt involved, has severe consequences as well. Damn, spiritual life is tough, aint it? :)
- Re: I am having some serious issues ... lightstream
17 y
3,769
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Re: I am having some serious issues ... Alikat
17 y
3,698
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This is a reply to # 1,031,173Advertisement
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Pkaos, consider everything Zoebess said above to you, it's all true! Your girlfriend is a major red flag.....and you? What...a guy who is willing to find out what can make his partner happy and fulfilled?? Someone grab this guy quickly, please. You're a rare jewel.
Too bad that your dream of having just one woman didn't pan out. It's still a good idea these days to wait a good while before you jump to intimacy, but in this case, this young lady sounds like she has a lot of sexual hang-ups, beside being impatient and demanding. These are traits that will carry out way further than the bedroom and will increase over time.
As we say in New York; "fawgettaboutit" !!Your problems sound like a matter of nervousness and anxiety performance, all which can be resolved with time and a more understanding and loving partner. ('penetration only, is she outta her mind??)
Don't let the popular notion that being 25 and inexperienced makes you some kind of weirdo. Just be yourself and honor your own choices, and remember......there's alot of fish in the sea.....don't settle for a flounder.
- Re: I am having some serious issues ... ANVIL
17 y
3,536
Bio Cleanse Detox Kit
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This is a reply to # 1,031,173You could try masturbating that day so that maybe you won't be as sensitive when you have sex. Also, maybe try to get hard by looking at some mags and then seeing to your girlfriend.
Why does she have against oral sex, did she say? - Re: I am having some serious issues ... #68716
17 y
3,568
This is a reply to # 1,031,173Zoebess offered some excellent observations - as a much older woman, it is my feeling that your partner is not demonstrating an ounce of empathy, understanding, encouragement, or interest in pleasuring YOU! When sex becomes a bone (no pun intended) of contention, it can really cause a rift between partners. And, I thoroughly agree with Zoe's opinion that STD's preclude abstinance, these days.
The suggestion of self-pleasuring to begin gaining control of your ejaculations sounds quite reasonable. It also may be possible that so much emphasis is being placed upon YOUR performance that you're stressing out over it and the psychological impact is affecting the physical responses, etc. Please...don't allow ANYone to ridicule your performance or sexual experience! Learning how to enjoy sex and bring enjoyment to your partner takes time, patience, understanding, and lots of humor - something that your current partner seems to be ignoring. There are so many books written on the art of sexual interaction that you can pick and choose, as you wish. However, I would strongly caution against using pornography as examples of healthy sexual activity - the acts that are being performed are directed and paid for and do not, ususally, represent healthy, loving, tender behavior between a couple.
I'll gently encourage you to consider what it really is that you "love" about your parnter. Is she supportive? Is she kind to you (and, others) in her language and actions? Is she encouraging? Is she patient with you? Is she empathetic to you (and, others)? Are you "in love" with definitive POSITIVE attributes, or are you in love with attributes that you're hoping will develop as you become more committed?
There can be a great deal of emphasis placed upon sex, so much so that the emotional and spiritual benefits of a healthy sexual relationship can be overshadowed and ruined by demands and ridicule. Please, use caution as you navigate through this.
Best wishes to you.
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- Re: I am having some serious issues ... #2587
17 y
3,450
This is a reply to # 1,031,240I would also add that it is as much a problem with her pleasuring you as it is you pleasuring her. Obviously you feel that foreplay is important to and for you...and it should be. That need is no less valid. There seems to be a disconnect in compatability sexually. With the right person, it all falls into place and matches and is absolutely awesome.
I know it is easy for me to say, but don't let this get you down to much. Your mind is, I would guess, playing a huge role in your problem with getting/maintaining an erection. Her attitude toward you is only going to make that worse. Your lack of experience is what I would think is causing your premature finish. Both are repairable...with the right person and with the right prep on your part so keep that in mind.
Think strongly about training your body to be able to delay your ejaculation, there are articles all over the internet about it. You know why there are so many articles about it...because so many people experience it so you are not alone. However, there are many that don't and if you want to be one of those people, you can. The problem with masturbating is that generally a guy is just interested in the end point so over time a person trains their body to reach that point as quickly as possible. That is the opposite of what your trying to achieve now, it is no longer just about the orgasm it is now about pleasuring each other. When your having sex you are experiencing a much greater sensation than you can provide yourself and of course, you will reach orgasm more quickly because of that...not to mention the emotions and anxiety you feel which you dont when your "taking care of business".
My suggestion mirrors the others. Think clearly about what it is you really love about this person. I am sure you are in love with this woman, but maybe she is simply not the right one for you long term. Don't accept your problems, work on them as they are repairable. I am unsure if your relationship problems are but I wish you the best of luck. If she is very concerned about sexual satisfaction via intercourse only and is unwilling to work with you, I would be very concerned that long term she will find that satisfaction elsewhere. I am betting there is a woman out there who is a sexual match for you and once you have worked on your issues and became more confident in yourself, you will rock her world (and I promise if you do..she will rock your!!!).
Good luck.
- Re: I am having some serious issues ... #2587
17 y
3,450
- Re: I am having some serious issues ... 222777
17 y
3,335
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This is a reply to # 1,031,173
Hey buddy!
To help out with you sex problems... take a supplement! Either viagra which is very expensive or just grab some chinese herb tablets which are very cheap (works out to be a $1 each)you can get off of ebay.
Masturbate before you plan on having sex with her, then take one table ~1hour before doing it... and you will be fine, you will have an erection stronger than ever before and if you still don't last long the first time, you will be hard in 5 mins again anyway!
Be confident with her in bed! Be the dominant one! Tell her what you are going to do and let her know you are going to enjoy it! It may not fully work out with this girl as she seems to have sexual problems (only likes penetration?) but they are some handy tips for the future aswellAdvertisement
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- Re: I am having some serious issues ... #93809
16 y
3,048
Bio Cleanse Detox Kit
”I have recommended it to family and friends already and am sure...
Clarkia Extra Strong
Clarkia Tincture 2 oz, 4 oz, 8 oz, and 16 oz
This is a reply to # 1,031,173DUDE!
Really sad and sorry that your first real experience with a woman is negative but you will gain wisdom so don't worry because you have decades ahead of you!
I'm sure your inner self has told you there is something *not right or natural* about this and you're right...she has major problems.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Making love means creating! <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
That takes two and it also means response and reacting to touch and tenderness.
It sounds more like she just wants someone to jump her bones, and even if it isn't that it STILL means she has issues!
Your issues are only inexperience and a real woman does NOT respond that way!
Get some counseling even if she won't because there is something WRONG.
Hope this doesn't upset you but you have to be a man and face reality here.
Like I said at first, the good news is you have decades ahead of you!
Find somebody to talk to and then take the appropriate steps. You'll have success no matter what the outcome.
Good luck!
- Re: I am having some serious issues ... Zoebess
17 y
3,999
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