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Completing Day One
Convincing Myself to Fast 10 Days... Considering My Fears, Affirming My Reasons
Date: 7/23/2007 8:57:12 AM ( 17 y ) ... viewed 2093 times I am shy to begin this blog. Suppose I fail. But I want to be committed to this 10-day fast. Oh, God, I have never done a 10-Day fast before. I have no discomfort so far. Some very slight "hunger" (not real hunger, not at this stage... it's toxic... it's the disease bacteria in my colon clamoring for fuel to build themselves up and afflict me with depression, anxiety, unwillingness to work, and the desire to live jsut bingeing and passing out, bingeing and passing out, just constantly getting stoned on food and never engaging with others or with life.
Mental discomfort is always the greater challenge for me in fasting. Today I am reading affirmations I wrote recently about fasting. I am really trying to deal with the mental baggage I have about fasting. This is the greatest challenge. So, out with it: my fears are that my body will crazily enter some sort of manic healing mode and refuse all food forever and starve me to death. I find it REALLY helps to read extremely graphic and specific accounts of others' long-term fasts ...when I have fear thoughts the thoughts focus on my imaginings of being in an advanced fasting state. I think I am afraid of losing connection with the world. I think I am afraid of losing connection with all people. So, to read more accounts of really long fasts. I will put that on my search list for today I guess. To return the favor: I have no hunger. Things are OK. I have no discomfort. I am scared to fast but I am OK. I am scared to go on fasting for several days. I guess I should try to
My goals. I want to cure myself once and for all of this brain fog, compulsive overeating, lethargy, depression, and chronic, persistent sluggishness that I have just lived with and miserably tolerated for years. I am tired of just wanting to binge on food and pass out and do nothing else in life. I am tired of the insecurity (even danger of homelessness) and lack of achievement and lack of love and lack of relationships that this bodily state (perhaps it is basically that I am physiologically acid) and mode of life (getting high on food) have netrapped me in. I have tragically wasted my existence. I am ready to stop and change and FAST.
Maybe I will write more later. I will also post to the fasting forums that I report to, today. Please write me at sdpjune2005@hotmail.com!!!!!!
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