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still eating...
tomorrow is actually the start...i can feel it
Date: 4/14/2007 7:55:34 PM ( 17 y ) ... viewed 2109 times well i'm still not back on fasting...the past 2 days I have been SO close to making it- and then around 6pm I cave and eat something. I always read other people's posts about how they cave, and wonder, what exactly is going through their minds when they walk over to the kitchen knowing that they are about to eat and do something that they will FOR SURE regret later on?
Well for me, eating has become my addiction. I get a surge of adrenaline, my heart races and I can't even think about anything else. Once I have decided that I will eat (this could come about by me rationalizing that I still have 30 days until I start my summer job) I get very very excited (body excited, not like happy mentally excited) and I just start thinking of the million of things that I could possibly eat.
Well tomorrow is actually 1 month exactly until I leave for my summer job. I can bring the juicer with me, however 30 days MUST happen before I leave.
So as many times as I have quit and pigged out, I guess I am learning something from it. I can't beat myself up over it, there are far worse things in life and at least I am seriously planning on doing the 30 days starting tomorrow!
I even just LOVE the taste of the juice- today I made a carrot/cucumber/apple combo, and I truly just love it. I love how pure and refreshing and satisfying it is. Then compared to the poutine I just ate, which made me feel gross and wasn't even that good, I would have rather had 5 cups of juice.
So good riddance obsessive eating and hello experienced 30 day juice faster!
This has been such a long journey- 1 year of my life has been consumed by my eating disorder...however in the past month, 2 of the 4 weeks I was fasting- so that is a huge improvement! Something felt different on both of those days that I woke up and decided to start fasting....that feeling just overcame me right now and I feel that tomorrow for some reason I will wake up and really feeeeeel that it is time for it.
I have pigged out for a week, now its time to do waht I truly want. I will not be controlled by food anymore!
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