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Day 8 - feeling utterly lost
questioning whether i've done the right thing or not
Date: 10/2/2006 3:21:11 PM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 3729 times It's the end of Day 8 and I'm feeling pretty low (perhaps because I've just started my period).
I had a cry today because I received a heart-rendering message from my mum and it pains me to see her worry about me so much.
As I mentioned before I've battled with EDs for about half my life now. Before I started this cleanse I went through another bulimic stage, where my hair started falling out. Now on this cleanse more hair has fallen out. It makes me think if it was a bad idea going from bingeing and purging to fasting as it's too much of a shock to my system?
Also, I haven't felt the sudden downpour of 'healthiness' other people have felt. Sure it's feels satisfying to see the gunk leave my system every morning, but other than that nothing. I look ill - maybe because I have lost weight and it doesn't suit my big bone structure? I know I FEEL 'happier' at a lower weight but it may not actually be my ideal weight for my body?
All the symptoms I've been feeling on this cleanse - the tiredness and the chills - reminds me greatly when I went through an anorexic stage.
Which leads me to think maybe this wasn't a good move for me? I mean I guess a big positive is that I think I will start eating healthily after this cleanse and stop bingeing and purging (for the moment anyway) but although the destination is where I want to be, maybe this wasn't the correct journey?
I just had a big rush of emotions and thought I should stop the cleanse. Especially when one of my friends said I should try eating a piece of bread.
I just feel very lost in a dark hole at the moment, and if anyone has any guidance I would be so grateful.
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