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Why am I doing this?
Why do I care about doing this? I do love myself & feel I deserve the best & I deserve to find & achieve all my goals, wants & dreams as well as improve my health & become the real me I know I am
Date: 7/8/2006 3:32:17 AM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 2444 times Well, my first question when I start something like this is what am I doing & why am I doing this? What on earth would possess my mind to think of not eating for several days & to drink a lemonade drink?
First off, I have been feeling terrible. Sure you ask someone how are you? of course they say good, ok, fine, etc, ok I have said that. Deep down, nope, no I am not fine. I can honestly say this is the worst I have felt in my life, its the worst I have looked in my life. I am the biggest I have been in my life (You can only blame the laundry shrinking so many times & people catch on!) My body & soul are unhealthy, it's plain & simple. I am constantly exhausted, my skin is absolutely terrible, my gums aren't well, my hair is thinning, I am blah, honestly? I feel like Eyeore from Winnie the Pooh. Yup, my body is wanting some attention from me & its telling me it needs some help. When someone says Good morning, how are you? what am I to say... "If it is a good morning, which I doubt...." but of course that's not me to say that...
I did the MC a few years back, I tried many times, only once I achieved my goal, the other times I tried but didn't kick myself for not making my planned times - just like this time, if I don't make it, its not the end of the world, every day is a learning process in the journey.
I remember after I did it before, I felt great, I ate great. I went through a period in time where I only drank Soy milk, had fabulous greens & steamed veggies, no beef, no yeast, white breads or breads, omg so manythings. I had a goal at one point to be partial vegetarian & I was almost there. I was in shape & a great weight too.
I don't know what happened. I completely fell off the train! Landed flat on my butt sitting there in another land it seems! Now well my eating is the worst & if it were to continue, you may as well throw me a shovel now!
I eat terrible, junk food, snacks, candy, diet pop, alcohol (and too much of it), fatty foods, dairy, cheese, oh I love cheese!, omg so many things! and well even worse, I DON'T excersise! I maybe walk 20 ft to my car twice a day & another 100 ft twice a day & then around my wee little place, that's it! How terrible!
I finally decided to listen to my body. I am going to attempt this cleanse, do the best I can do (that's what counts) and learn the most about me I can. I have a goal, and I have other goals & aspirations that I want to achieve, only I can make it all happen, only I know how to get what I want in life.
The other times I tried at the MC, I had a friend coax me to try it (and introduce me to here - this was years ago). This time though I just remembered about this place & the MC & decided solely on my own; to make this venture by myself.
Today (its early in the wee morning so later on this morning) is going to be my first day through this journey. I know its going to be very bumpy, trying, difficult, terrible & one of the hardest things I have done in my life. I am relying on my inner strength that I know I have somewhere hiding in me to come out again, as well as my spirituality that used to be so very strong & has since recessed into hiding it seems as well.
I am doing this journey for myself to achieve my goals I have in life, do the things I want to do in life, eat the foods that I deep down have always wanted to eat, and just be me & well I would love to lose weight as I am quite a bit overweight, but most of all, I am doing this to battle my last addictions that linger & yuckies I have, regain my spirituality & make it the strongest its ever been. Also to help me look deep into my soul & find the real me that suppressed into hiding awhile back.
My goal - well I feel yucky & blah now, kinda like an ugly caterpillar, I plan to do this journey, learn about me, my body etc, rest up, take care of myself & come out of all this like the butterfly I know I am.
I am starting on the journey of finding myself & the master cleanse is my first step....
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