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time fly....
need to stay steady through the first couple days...
Date: 4/10/2006 9:05:22 AM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 1903 times i couldn't sleep at all tonight. that obviously doesn't help the time flying part... i was thinking about how the current strategy is to go for the next 633 hours now (about 26 days) and then weigh in... and it seemed so long! each hour seems long right now. it's so terrible that i've gotten into this habit of fasting two to five days (at the most) and then cheating, feeling supercrappy and having to start over again. i don't want to be in that cycle anymore. what a stupid plan, to just get to the point where i feel okay with how i look and feel (not like i've reached my goal, but like i'm reasonably close...) and then wreck myself again. stupid me.
this WILL get easier...
to keep myself going and on track for now, i'll just have to remember the bribes i've promised myself (new clothes in my closet that i'm saving for when i get back to my lowest weight where i left off when i was keeping on track better and for every half pound or so that i go below that and until i reach my goal.
my boyfriend is getting so tired of me fasting too, the more i screw up while he's not there, the longer he will have to eat alone, so that's another reason to stick to it and finish up.
and i just want to feel normal again, eating regular meals, be healthy, and be happy with how my body feels and looks. i've eaten regular meals in the past too, of course, but i was either in a state of having given up on trying to lose weight and feeling terribly uncomfortable or trying to lose weight, without much results. it will be so nice to be DONE. i like healthy, fresh foods full of flavor. i'm not sure exactly what my dietary plan should be like, but i'd really like to build in a lot of fruit, because i love fruit. :P. maybe, if i stick with the fast until friday, my skinny jeans will not be as tight as last friday? that could be an initial goal...
i want to FINISH. i don't want to keep starting over and over and over again. i don't want to have to be at day 1 again and again and again. i worked to hard to get here to not finish up. it seems difficult and the last two days seem like an eternity now, but i can go on and get used to it...
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