the trick is... 17 y
... getting comfortable
... getting back to where fasting is not a burden and it feels safe and positive to abstain from eating. i just remembered that thatís what it felt like when i last really stuck it through for several weeks. ::: harkening back ::: i owe it to myself to finish this. visit the page
Day 2 17 y
... again ...
Okay people, I had to start over. I donít know what to say to justify this... Third timeís a charm? Third time since I started this blog... I suppose no matter how many times Iíve fallen down in the last three months, that doesnít mean I canít see this through to the end this time. I just feel like so pathetic! Urgh. So, I cheated on Monday, and it was totally unnecessary. In the morning, I was just thinking that it was really getting easier on day 4, and that I was going to be able to stick with it. Itís always when I start not feeling really gross from the last cheat, then I cheat again! ... read more
posting here is definitely helping me. 17 y
don't want to post bad news...
todayís not easy, but iím sticking with the fast pretty well. iím having some instant broth to keep me steady. when i started fasting, i was really militant about having nothing but water, but from my experience fasting, i really think that for weight loss purposes it doesnít matter if i have fluids with minimal calories like sugar free drinks or this broth on occasion. of course, others may differ from a cleansing perspective, but i canít always do everything perfectly and being able to have something with some flavor does help me make it through and i donít think that it slows down my we ... read more
note to self 17 y
when things get hard, all you need to do is stay put and do nothing at all.
time fly.... 17 y
need to stay steady through the first couple days...
i couldnít sleep at all tonight. that obviously doesnít help the time flying part... i was thinking about how the current strategy is to go for the next 633 hours now (about 26 days) and then weigh in... and it seemed so long! each hour seems long right now. itís so terrible that iíve gotten into this habit of fasting two to five days (at the most) and then cheating, feeling supercrappy and having to start over again. i donít want to be in that cycle anymore. what a stupid plan, to just get to the point where i feel okay with how i look and feel (not like iíve reached my goal, but like iím ... read more
need to stay focused. 17 y
iím so easily influenced... i had told my boyfriend that i was upset about having gained a few pounds and that i was feeling fat. this saturday i didnít get out of bed until 5 p.m. because my body felt so awful from having cheated on friday and i felt mentally so down... today, after seeing me in fitted clothes, he was insisting that i hadnít gained any weight and that i was just as slender... i know for a fact that i am heavier now, but still. just hearing that softens my resolve and just now i was lying in bed wondering whether i really need to fast tomorrow.
actually, i really do. the ... read more
day two 17 y
on track and trying to get into the right frame of mind.
thanks so much for the kind comment. :) it really cheers me up.
the challenge for me for where i am right now is to get over the disgusting and depressed feeling after having cheated without getting so complacent with where i am right now that i canít make it through the difficult moments that WILL come. i need to find a state of mind where i am not too depressed about having screwed up in the past but not too euphoric about having accomplished so much that i can permit myself to cheat. food always ends up being a disappointment. i never look back and think, wow, iím so happy that i ate t ... read more
one. 17 y
ew. the first day after a cheat always feels so gross. i feel swollen and bloated. i really donít want to get out of bed at all. this is the second day like this that iím having this week: enough of this.
i have to go on autopilot.
iím fasting until my birthday. thatís 2668 hours. or until i achieve my goal weight. no more fooling around. no more wasting time. no more delaying. i donít care how hard some hours may be, it will pay off to stick this out.
i have to remember how awful i feel right now and not get lost in a moment of feeling thin or feeling hungry or feeling like itís fine t ... read more
Day 0 :( 17 y
So, I went this morning from grazing the breakfast to eating the breakfast to eating lunch today. Crap. :( I will have to restart tomorrow. How many times can you restart?! I was struggling and pissed off and unhappy about my weight and figure for years and years yet never managed to lose it before last winter. I want to skip all that anger and sadness and feeling uncomfortable and just finish solving the problem rather than wallowing in my own misery. I am not that unhappy with how I look now, I just am determined to lose a little more and it really irks me when I fail in that pursuit as ... read more
So far... 17 y
start, stall, reboot....
through two periods of fasting for a little over 20 days each (with one cheat day in between, so essentially, a forty day fast, if youíll cut me a little slack) i lost a bunch of weight: around 40 pounds. that was end of last year. since then, iíve been in a crappy cycle of fasting a few days and then cheating, fasting again and cheating again... iíve gained back a few pounds, which is really, really bothering me right now. from my lowest weight when fasting to a few days before i started this last fasting effort maybe 10 pounds. just writing that down makes me feel upset. anyways, this is ... read more