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Blog 4: The happening that set the scene for my life.
Blunders in infancy :)
Date: 8/30/2005 5:15:33 AM ( 19 y ) ... viewed 2864 times I was born in London. My parents were both Londoners. I lived there for the first 18 months of my life. Then, we moved into the rural south west of the country, and parents rented a flat. Life was probably ok for them back then. I cant recall, with me being so young.
I only learned this when I was in my early 20`s. I was the reason they broke up. This is the story.
When I was 3 years old, I toddled into the lounge. I noticed my mothers hand bag.
I stopped, fished around in it, and pulled out a piece of paper.
I wandered over to my dad. "Daddy, can you read this to me?" I said.
He took the letter. He started reading it. Then he stopped reading. He jumped up, and left the room. I was puzzled.
As I said earlier. I was the reason that they had broken up. The letter I had dug up was a letter from my mothers then boss to her. It was a love letter.
Dad left the very same day. Moved away to a city to live. When I learned of this, in my early 20`s, I could understand his turmoil. I myself had done the very same thing.
And I had been the one who had uncovered it for him.
That was why my father never bothered to visit me, as a child. He blamed me. I had destroyed his marriage to the woman he loved.
That was why my mother shouted at me so much all through my infancy, childhood, and adolescence. I had ruined her secret affair, and her marriage. And her financial security. She left me with her friends during the day while she worked, and in the evenings, she would go out on the town, until late, drinking. She would bring men home too. Lots of different ones. I was basically free to run the streets as a kid. And I did.
It wasnt until I was about 10 years old, and had just moved with my mother and new husband to Scotland that I realised that I was unloved. Up to that point, I was aware that my life was different to so many of my friends. What I noticed most was that their parents spoke to them like they were significant. And they got hugs. They were provided for. They were emotionally secure.
All I had as a child were a few second hand toys. Like maybe 3 or 4 things. I only ever had one pair of shoes to wear. And one pair of trousers. Maybe a couple of tops. And no "I love you`s" And no hugs.
Friends, by comparison, had whole bins full of toys. And lots of clothes to wear. And had pocket money. But the thing I noticed most was orange squash. They were always being given orange squash by their parents. I never had that. When friends parents offered it, I never said no! It was perhaps the most delicious thing there was for me at that age.
More to follow. Hope its not too depressing for yall to read ;)
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