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4:30 AM Diapers and Watermelon
I thought I would feel like I quit or gave up or some equally awful feeling, but I don't.
Date: 9/14/2005 7:15:49 AM ( 19 y ) ... viewed 2622 times September 14, 2005 @ 5:11 AM
My daughter ran out of diapers yesterday (I thought we had another pack waiting in the wings) and the store that I buy them out was closed by 7:00 PM...so I thought I will just put her in a pair of her swimmers for the night--um big mistake. She woke up soaking at 3:30 AM. I knew I was going to have to go to a 24 hour grocery store and purchase her some huggies or something equally unnatural to get us through.
I felt that awful nagging hunger which has been getting stronger for the past few nights. The veggie broth didn't help, the thought of lemonade repulsed me, the thought of anything except some food just wasn't going to fly. I did the math--6 days to go until 30 days. Then I could break the fast. I took out the huge watermelon. I dipped a huge spoon into its flesh and let the juicy melon take over. It tasted so good I was jumping up and down and doing a little yum yum dance. Next I ate the last veggie salad roll with peanut sauce (mistake). But it tasted and felt so good going down.
I thought I would feel like I quit or gave up or some equally awful feeling, but I don't.
I have lost 30 pounds, I am going vegan until I am 150 again, I am working out daily, I am healthier, happier, and so much closer to winning this battle. I am also going to start nutritional counseling and counseling for my eating disorder. I realized during the last 5 days that I have a real problem that isn't going to go away--regardless of how much weight I lose. Several times my desire to binge surfaced in spite of the dramatic changes in my body, mind, and spirit-so I am going to take action and get help to heal.
I do not know what "tomorrow" will bring. I may just hop back on the cleansing wagon and keep going to 40 (with this minor break in the flow), I may go onto some other liquid diet, or declare myself done with fasting. As fasting rules go--I suppose I did break my fast this morning.
Regardless things you can look forward to in the future are: before and after pictures, post fast plan, post fast recipe book, and I will continue to blog about my weight loss and healing from my food addiction.
Sorry if I let anyone down--but in the spirit of health--I had to listen to my own body and I just wasn't feeling right anymore.
More later...
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