How to support a family member or friend in prison

During sometime in your life, you will know someone in prison. How you support and handle that situation could either make or break that loved one or friend. It is extremely important that you think of how you would feel if the tables were turned. Not everyone in jail is a criminal, nor are they guilty. There are many in jails who did not commit the crime, but for sure as the door closes on them, the world will judge them.

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Some things that you should know first, is that what they are going through in jail is more than most people could handle, so it is extremely important that you remain patient at all times. As you go to the jail the first time and they search you and lock your possessions away, you will feel slightly intimidated. Imagine your husband, son or daughter being strip searched after you leave and they are looking and search everywhere that anything could be stuffed. It is both humiliating and embarrassing, especially for a religious person. Some of the guards are more than friendly and touching them where they will never tell.

1. Be nice to the guards at the prison - Don't make any problems, act courteous and do whatever they say. If they tell you, that visiting is over, then just say okay. Because the next time you go there, maybe you will not even get in at all. There have been many times that a prisoner is abused because his wife was unruly.

2. Patience - required. Don't ask too many questions and just be supportive. If the prisoner yells and screams at you, stay calm and relaxed and just take it in. Try changing the subject and tell them some happy things. Remember, the stress they are under is extreme.

3. Money - The prisoner needs money and as much as you can afford. They need money for food, entertainment and protection. Many times a prisoner will be blackmailed and he needs money to be safe. As much as we hate to hear this, there are rapes and attacks in jail and we need to help support them. Sometimes you will need to pay money to the wives of the prisoner. Maybe his roommate is losing his home and with a few dollars, you can buy some friendship. You can find someone to watch out for them.

4. Get to know the other wives or spouses in the waiting room. Not just to know the news but to find support and information on what is going on. Many times someone else will know of a judge or a lawyer that can help your spouse. Maybe at some point, you will need help in some way. Be friendly, kind and gracious at

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