How to feel blessed in the storms of life

As I look back on the years I let slip by, I am sad. I am sad that I did not cherish every single moment with my dear sweet Mo. I am sorry I did not hug him more, kiss him more and laugh with him more. But most of all, I am sorry I did not listen to all the signs that came to me. God sent me so many signs that Mo would die soon but I refuse to listen. Mo came to me one day and told me that someone would die within 30 days as he had a dream. I said, "then it must be me." I had been sick for years. The next day I saw a beautiful Angel and he came and pointed at Mo. I woke Mo and told him what happened and he said, "Barbi, if it is the Angel of death I do not mind." I said, "Angel of Death, no way." I lied. So many signs and so many warnings and I refused to listen. Then one day the phone rings and it was the hospital, they had Mo. I had lost my dear Mo, in a split second. He was gone forever.

The day my husband died was a cloudy day and I had to sit in the condolences for three long days. Everyday the people cried and I did not. Everyday they mourned and I was in shock. Everyday they looked at me with disgust because I was not sad but extremely happy that he had achieved what he so longed for. He wanted to be with Allah and those who loved him the most. I asked him once, if he wanted to be beside me in heaven and he said, "No." I asked him why not and he told me he wanted to be by the prophets and the saints and by his lord. I knew it was time that my husband move on and accepted Allah's decree.

So if we have extreme love of the person who died, would we not be happy for them that they were out of misery. This world is but a trial and the next world is a bigger trial. So as I tried to explain to the people that I was happy and that Mo had been called home, they just shook their heads, but I remained patient. I was in shock and in a almost coma from the loss of my Mo. I had to go on and I remembered his words to me when his father died. "If you cry, I will be angry with you." So I never cried in public. People chastised me because I stayed happy with Allah's decision and people chastised me because I was not more sorrowful but I remained calm and patient. The whispers were constant as I stayed happy and told wonderful stories of Mo and how he died a brave death. I told of how we use to have fun everyday and I told of his last moments. His death was so beautiful and so peaceful. I saw the Angel of death with him and I saw heaven.

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saw peace and harmony and I saw that dying was not bad but a beautiful time in ones life. Well, if you are very good that is.

On the third day of mourning I went and sat outside on the veranda and I looked up in the sky and there was Mo with an Angel and Mo was waving. He said nothing, just waved and I looked up with my eyes so tired and exhausted and I waved back. Mo turned around and left with the angel. At that moment it started raining lightly. His sister came out to sit by me and said, "Barbi, are you all right?" I said, "Yes, I just saw Mo with an Angel and it is raining. This is a blessing from Allah." So she sat with me in the rain for a few moments and all of a sudden, the rain stopped and the sun came out of the clouds. My heart was happy and extremely calm. I was not sad at all for Allah had allowed Mo to visit me one last time so I thought. Mo would visit me many more times and I was not alone anymore. I was so excited I wanted to jump for joy. I wanted to play leapfrog with the children and yes I wanted to go lie down with my cats. I just wanted to rest for now. I had done everything I was suppose to do. I had been a good wife, a good daughter-in-law and I had been a good servant of my Lord.

I was blessed so much with being able to spend 7 short years with Mo and I was blessed when he died. We were very poor and after he died the money poured in and the people did whatever they could. I started having things I never had when he was alive and yes I became ashamed of the bounty. Allah provided me with so much and more each day. I live in a beautiful home these days with such luxuries poor Mo did not know. I have everything I need or want and I am indeed lucky. Allah could not of been better to anyone I believe.

So on Fridays Allah goes to the people in the grave and tells them the good or the bad that their family did that week so I am real careful that Allah speaks good to Mo about me. I am real careful to thank him for his bounty and I am real careful to tell everyone I love them more. Life is so short and it passes like a blink of an eye. I know one day Mo will be smiling as I pass through those pearly gates and so will I.

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