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Day 1
These thoughts are totally incomplete but this is where I am to start with...
Date: 10/1/2008 8:46:21 PM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 2300 times Today I began what I hope to be a 40-Day Water Fast at 5'4, 280 lbs, 20 years old. I have always wanted to do this and have never been successful beyond 3 days. It is my hope and prayer that my Lord and Savior be with me on this journey for if He leads me I cannot stray.
It is 9:25pm on Day 1 of my water fast. Today went better than expected. I did have a moment of weakness. Not weak in that I felt like I would give into temptation, but weak in that I felt like I would quit just because I wanted to eat and felt like it was unfair that I couldn't. I had to remind myself that I chose this. I need to be weakened and brought to my knees. I have a very healthy relationship with food. That relationship has taken my health and my happiness and it has become almost the priority in my life. For about 20 minutes today I felt like food is all I have and I can't be satisfied without it.
Physically I'm doing pretty well. Minor headaches started at about 6pm but so far they only seem to be a problem when I'm not doing something. I work at a school for students with emotional disturbances and I did go to work today and I felt fine all day. I have been doing well with drinking my water (I NEVER drink water) when my stomach says I'm hungry. I drank about 40 ounces of water today, I'm sure I'll get better about it.
I'm teaching myself to listen to my body. I think there's a difference between cravings and temptation. Craving to me implies a physical want for something specific and temptation is more of an emotional desire for food. My stomach says its not hungry. My emotions say there's chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, and corn in the kitchen and I want some.
This it always begins. I tell myself that I could just eat this one last meal. But then by tomorrow it's going to be "Well, I could just fast during the day and eat at night". Then the next day it's going to be "Just forget this, it sucks" and I'm not going to do that to myself. This fast is so much bigger than myself.
Odd place to end, my thoughts are still going but I need rest...
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