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Feeling tired of this... ` 19 y
... but can't bear the thought of starting over.
Getting used to fasting has its ups and downs. On the one hand, it comes to me naturally, I’m not hungry, I’m not in the habit of eating, I don’t have to stop myself on my way to the fridge (and there’s nothing in it anyways), but I’m also just getting really bored with it. And I’m not feeling like it’s anything extraordinary, so I am more and more having thoughts about just cheating for a day. Not seriously contemplating it, but just sort of thinking, ”hmmmm, pizza, ice cream...” urgh. And then I feel crappy for even just thinking about that. Just like I feel crappy about faking to have e ... read more This business lunch ... 19 y
... is driving me crazy.
I’ve been thinking about this more and more, it’s taking up way more time than it should, really. It reminds me of when I was still in the thick of my eating disorder, although it was different... I’d be way over the weight I wanted to be, I’d have this plan to be on some really restrictive eating regimen (that I wouldn’t be able to stick to because I would go back to binging all the time anyways), but it would be September or October or something, and I’d have this plan that for the next 100 days or until the end of the year or whatever I would only eat X. And then I would be worried as h ... read more Starting to feel so normal... 19 y
... that I forget I can't just cheat now and then. Not that I did. I remember just in time.
Today I felt really like having my favorite cheat of pizza, beer, and maybe some ice cream. It’s starting to feel so normal to fast that I want to cheat, and cheating seems like something that I could do now and then. I have to remind myself that this is in fact a different regimen that I am on, one where I can’t just have a cheat day. Then I do remember how devastating it would be to me to have to start over at day 1. It would really be such a setback that I just can’t bear the thought of it. And it’s really not hard to stay with it right now. My energy level is enough to go about my dail ... read more I hate being in situations where I have to be around food... 19 y
...and it's difficult not to fast without looking strange. But I completed day 18.
I was on this business trip and there was catered food three times a day. The first day I claimed to have had breakfast and for the rest of the day said I was not feeling so well and didn’t have an appetite. The second day I ended up leaving the room, smearing some food on my plate, and later showing up to make it look like I just had some leftovers on my plate, which I later dumped. ::: sigh ::: All this reminds me of a long time ago when i was living with my parents and was trying to restrict and hide that from them. Fasting is really even harder than restricting, in terms of pulling it ... read more cell phone pics are so.... 19 y
...unflattering
i had started taking pictures with the only digital camera i have right now, the camera in my cell phone, in order to track my progress. i have to say that although i can see a difference in me, can notice a big difference in how my clothes fit, and my fiance notices a big difference in how i look, but in those cell phone pictures, i can barely discern a difference. and i still look so fat in those pictures, oh my goodness! anyways, it’s a good thing in the end, i suppose, because it reminds me that i still have a lot of work to do, and that it’s as easy as nothing but water going in my mo ... read more Is my weight loss picking up... 19 y
... or is each bit lost just more obvious now?
It feels like I’m losing weight faster again. Very strange. I would expect things to slow down. I will resist the temptation to weigh myself, lest I be disapointed. I am waiting until November 15. And, again, don’t hold your breath. I timed it such that if I weigh 13.5 pounds less (I figured that would take me 27 days), I would be very happy. It would also put me at about 110 pounds and 10 pounds away from my maintenance weight. I know that I need to undershoot the goal maintenance weight a bit in order to settle in at that goal weight after restarting to eat.
Anyways, I just tried to ... read more Day 15--Coming down off the compliments 19 y
Okay, so I've lost weight, but there's still work to be done and pounds to be lost.
Okay, so my fiance was pretty impressed with the weight loss, but getting dressed and going out today, I do still need to lose weight. It’s pretty clear. So, I’m not letting the compliments get to my head and am just going to keep plugging away.
I’m going on a business trip tomorrow. I hope there are not too many awkward food moments in that scenario. I think that the people at work may have noticed that I’ve lost weight and I don’t want them to think that I have an eating disorder or something. I am thinking that lunches will probably be take out, so that should be easy, and then for d ... read more My heart-felt sympathy to those struggling with an eating disorder, and my thoughts. 19 y
Be gentle to yourself and strive for continuity and steady change.
In my struggle for recovery, I have spoken to many who have suffered from similar eating disorders: binge eating disorders, bulimia, and anorexia. People achieve different levels of recovery in different ways. I know several women who just kind of got over it on their own. Often it was that they found a significant other who just helped them get over it, who were able to stop starving themselves that way. I know several who learned to cope well enough that it didn’t interfere in their lives in the way it used to by doing a lot of speech therapy. I don’t actually know anyone who recovered t ... read more Day 14--Routine, some progress 19 y
My fiance thinks I'm getting skinny and my clothes are definitely getting loose...
The fasting is getting to get routine. I am not really tempted to eat. I think about certain foods now and then, but I never seriously contemplate eating them. So far, my energy levels have been high enough to go about my work and other daily things without too much problems, so that has been very helpful. I don’t know why on the last 24 day fast, I got so tired and lethargic, and then after just one day cheat, my energy level was okay again. I really hope that my energy levels don’t dip again, because then I might be tempted to cheat again, thinking that it will revive my energy level for ... read more Day 12--Same old, same old 19 y
Gray day, but now I'm finally cozy and warm.
Today was the grayest day I’ve ever seen in California so far. I just wanted to go home and lie in the bath tub... depressing.
I’m starting to just think of this as a new way of life, this fasting, for now. Not that I intend to fast or go on and off fasting all the time. I actually think that’s not such a good idea to do that. But for now, this is just the way I live, until the end of my fast. It helps to not think of some kind of huge crazy aberration that I’m going through right now.
I don’t want to focus on doing this ”special thing” right now all the time.
My energy levels have been ... read more How far I am from my goal figure... 19 y
...a ways.
I just tried on my ”goal jeans”... They go up to right under my butt. So I have quite a bit more to lose. This was just to remind myself as I was getting a bit giddy at work today about how the weight was finally starting to come off on my thighs and butt. So, yes, that’s great, and that may be, but I still have a ways to go until the figure I’d like to have. I hope it’s attainable in the maximum time I’ve set for myself to fast. I can’t, after all, fast forever.
I can’t believe some of these people who are complaining about ”ONLY” losing 20-30 pounds in 3 weeks of JUICE FASTING. Here I a ... read more Day 11 19 y
My phases of weight loss, and other thoughts
Weight loss seems to go in phases for me. I’d be curious how common this is for others. All this has to be prefaced with the comment that I am most concerned with my LOWER body, so that’s what drives my outlook on these things.
First ten pounds, I lose a little weight all over: Face, upper body , lower body
Second ten or fifteen pounds, I lose mostly in my upper body: My waist, arms, tummy, back, etc.
From then on, it starts to come off my lower body, and of course still some in my upper body. I guess I’m finally in that phase. I really am starting to notice a change to my legs. In fact ... read more Day 10 19 y
I'm on a water fast, but I'm just not thirsty
Why can’t your body just make you drink as much as you need to drink by making you feel thirst, instead of making you want to eat when you really don’t need any more food? (No, I didn’t break my fast or anything, I’m just speaking generally.) It’s been such a chore to drink the water, and today I just couldn’t do it. I drink it room temperature, I drink it hot. I don’t drink it cold because I already am cold. I was making a huge effort to drink more after my middle of my back started hurting and I read that it my be that my kidneys are strained from underhydration. That sounded like a bad ... read more Day 9 19 y
Sunday at the office.
So, yesterday was a little tough, staying in my fiance’s family’s house that was full of food. Now, I’m back at the office and then back to my place, where there is nothing to struggle about. I think I can resist the temptation of having sugar free diet drinks or broth. ;) Normally, being around food does not bother me. In fact, it’s kind of a kick to be able to resist the temptations so easily. And it’s not that I was about to eat things yesterday, because that’s just really not even an option now, but it was just ... HARD ... Sometimes things are just hard, even when you know what to do ... read more Making it through Day 8 19 y
.. I made it.
So, I’m making it through Day 8. I had a bit of a hard time this morning, not so much that I was tempted to actually eat things, that’s just too hard. It was just a struggle. But now, I’m used to it again. I can look past the food that’s around here and there.
When I can’t eat, I really enjoy seeing my fiance enjoy tasty food. I even enjoy making it for him. So, I spent the afternoon making things and cooking for him. He’s so appreciative. He likes everything I make. I make some tasty things, but he is also very amenable and not very picky, so it’s a real pleasure to cook for him. That pl ... read more My one day off this week... 19 y
... and I'm having a little bit of a tough time.
Usually, it was no sweat to be around food. Two steps away from cookies, ice cream, bread, cold pizza, peanut butter,... For the sake of all of you fasting as well, I won’t go on. Usually, it was a thrill to be able to stay away from it, but today it’s a little more challenging. It’s not really an option to go ahead and eat, given how hard it was to get over that last time. And I know that I have to just focus on knocking down the days that I still have to go--when I’m not seeing great results in the mirror becuase it’s not coming off in the areas that I’m concerned about, I have to focus ... read more My bottom needs to catch up with my top. 19 y
I hate my weight loss pattern.
Now, I know this from when I’ve lost weight in the past. But I really hate the sequence that I have to go through in losing weight. I hate that I first lose weight in my upper body. I’m just not terribly concerned about my top except that I’d like to get rid of any tummy bulge and would love my face to be thinner. But my main concerns are my thighs and my rear. They are always the last to slim down. All of a sudden, I’ll notice that my legs are finally skinnier, my tush is finally smaller... It just takes patience.
I really want to show myself and my fiance that I don’t have to look this ... read more |