You sound like me not so long ago. I understand the angst you feel. I've always been curious about a couple things, though. Those among us who know there is something better than this (even though this can be very good at times) why do we fear death? There are worse things than death. Trust me on that one. We're just passing through. Do good as much as you can, have as much fun as you can. Enjoy this gift as much as you can. If people truly believe in God, why be afraid of passing from this? I fear people passing because I'm going to miss them and I hate to see others grieve. Let's not think of death as a bad thing. Try to think of it as going through a door.
It seems as though you're reading too much into praying and receiving these "miracles" that you're hearing about. Let me ask you a question before I go on: What exactly is a "miracle" to you? I may not be able to get back to this thread until tomorrow, but I'm really interested in what you think a miracle is.