Re: thanks

Yes what you are saying about the clenses make lots of sense, and if you would happen to b in my head u would probably meet the same kind of thoughts!

Detox must be the reason why I was born! Get dirty so I can purge it all out and feel amazing relief! Ive been stuck into such cycle for years and i must say it is a little too exausting! Im sure Ive still got plenty to learn but it feels like I know everything about the matter! colonics, enema, this and that flush, herbs...I get obsessed...and the more I read or talk about it, the more dirty I feel...At some point I had the feeling I was this toxic bomb about to explode. I think thats about when I started my 50 days of MC...

Funny enough, my neibourgh calls my place the shit shop becose of all the pills, herbs and laxative teas on the counter...and how hard it is to stop myself from buying the newest or strongest ones!

I went to a fasting and detox retreat in thailande last year. believe me, I didnt want to leave the place! I was not even walking but floating! wow I had some fasting friends, I could help them since I was feeling so strong about what I was doing(and use to it).I WAS IN CONTROL! I ended up being on water only for so long(18 days or so), the staff nearly forced me to start eating again...it was a fight, I had in my mind that they only wanted to stop me cos I was so clean, cleaner then anybody and they were jealous!(so untrue!) I see photos of that time and Im amazed how skinny I got! Back in Bangkok I was nervous about my return home...the last few days of my trip was an endless binge...

Back at work, going away for 2 3 or 4 days, I was so scared of eating anything that would trigger a binge, my solution was to fill my suitcase with 10,15 grapefruits and eat only those until Id come back home...some mono diet! half the time it would work but sometimes, being so tired Id start eating anything in sight on the aircraft, thats horrible, I think that is one of the reason that Im scared of going back to work... I can still see myself stuffing myself hiding in the stinky whasroom...shame shame shame


Theres a differance between doing some spring cleaning and developing an obsession. Only you can determine how far u can go.(and if I can b of any help Id be glad) The problem is that the bulimia has such a loud voice.We must learn to listen inside...and see whos speaking!!! It is the same with exercise and compulsions... I think u should use your membership,and maybe make a deal with yourself that youll go only 4 times a week or someting.If they offer any yoga class, this is so good for the mind. tell me more about that...

Shame on me, I havent done any exercise for months, Depression made it impossible but Ive started lately to go for walks again,with my music and sunglasses I can deal with that! I use to do hot yoga twice a day and walk milles and milles!

finding a middle is our challenge!

Yesterday I went to my Doc, shared with him that i didnt have any urges to fast, that I was fines...spending a few days eating every few hours kept me away from ugly binges. But as i woke this morning(I actually got up at 6pm) I was overwelmed by the fact that this was the best day to do water fast!!! as if it was the first time in my life I ever got the idea!!! I did it it was easy but tomorrow Ill have food again, I must otherwise I may lose it!

Juicing is a great idea(just mind your fingers please!) my juicer is my best friend beside my cat!Ive got plenty of books on the subject if you need any tips. Please Let me know how things are going.

Its friday night and i havent hear from the hospital yet. OUF, that means I got at least 1 week bfore I start the program. this will b a busy week end, I promissed a friend some help to organise a memorium for her late huband (he was my landlord, past away 3 weeks ago) Valium will assit me in doing that I believe...still Im glad to be useful.

Bless u all! keep writing
sof*

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