Re: Adult child situation--do I speak up or not?

Thank you all for responding. To 76830--quick and to the point. Before I became a grandmother I would have agreed with you and seen the situation in black and white terms. However, now that there is a child involved, it's not so black and white anymore. As I said before, if she didn't have a child I wouldn't have been agonizing about this. I may not have liked what she was doing with her life but she is an adult. However, now there is a child that is affected by the actions of his parents. While he isn't being abused and his physical needs are being met, I also know that he didn't ask to be put in this situation. His other grandmother rarely pays any attention to him and when she does, she does something against my daughter's wishes and the BF won't speak up.

I see this from both sides of the coin. As the daughter of a mother who was an alcoholic and verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive I know what it's like to be a child in a bad situation with no one intervening. My father wouldn't defend us and wouldn't let us defend ourselves because he didn't want to incur her wrath. My grandmother (mother's mother) would sit and say nothing most of the time. On a few rare occasions, she would weakly protest and experience my mother's wrath. So we were all terrorized and bullied. I can't change the past but looking back, an adult should have intervened. When I had my daughter I was determined to break the cycle. She wasn't abused. Instead, she was loved, supported and encouraged in her endeavors. Were we perfect parents? Of course not but we did our best.

I mention all this because I want to show where I'm coming from on this subject. No-Biz, thank you for your thoughtful response. Sandover--Laura--thank you for your insight. I wish we could help her more financially but my husband has been out of work for the last 6 weeks. Before that, we did buy her a crib for the baby since he was sleeping in a playpen. We've also taken her shopping for baby clothes and routinely send her a care package. Last time we visited we offered to go apartment hunting with them but the BF nixed that idea. If we had the financial means, we would just get them an apartment and help with the rent.

Again, many thanks, all. I'll just bite my tongue and keep my worries to myself. In the meantime, I will monitor the situation and hope and pray that it doesn't get worse... Tweet