FWIW, I have had really thick hair for the past couple of years as a result, I think, of not washing it often or blow-drying it. (I wash it about every 7-10 days...the first few weeks it got a little oily, but then my scalp stopped producing as much oil -- I think because when it gets washed the scalp is told to produce more oil, if that makes sense.)
The other thing that comes to mind, which is slightly off-topic, is iodine. I know some people have had good results with Iodine and hair graying. My feeling is that Iodine is something we are all pretty deficient in, and which is important throughout the body and which helps all bodily functions. Have you considered Iodine therapy? If your hair is falling out, chances are the rest of you is in turmoil, too, and iodine will really help your body straighten itself out.