Re: 3 y old playing with yourself, spanking the monkey?

All children do, I believe.

It is just part of exploring life.

You want to SHOW (not so much 'tell') her your attitude. No big fuss, of course, as you already plainly see.

A three-year-old doesn't yet think in the way adults do. Her 'reasoning' skills are undeveloped, until about age five. Even then her thinking skills will still be quite rudimentary.

Right now she is very 'monkey see, monkey do'. You'll find ways to incorporate ideas like privacy, courtesy, decency, and many more attitudes, automatically.

Babies learn more from the 'electricity' they feel around you than from any 'telling'.

You can and do protect her with your thoughts and feelings. Calm light-heartedness is wonderful. You know that there is a 'big picture' coming...she doesn't...and won't for many years.

Distraction is another fine tool for you to use. You choose to turn a corner and walk down another street. She will follow your example.

Every once in a while, you will do something brilliantly, perfectly suited to your little ones growth. You will remember those moments with pride, for the rest of your life.

My boy asked to get an ear pierced when he was 8 or 9...like his friend. Without batting an eye or even looking up, I said, "Yes. And then you can go sleep in the park."

Then I smiled, with warmth.

And it worked! I've got that moment forever. It still makes me smile.

One thing I knew I had to tell him was what to do if anything was on fire.

I had read an article that suggested NOT to use the word 'burn', as that triggers the thought of 'hurt'.

I mentioned to him that if he ever saw fire in the house, that he should run outside NOW, not waiting for anyone or anything, even if it is cold out and he is naked, and yell a lot.

If he saw fire on his clothes he should fall on it, and roll...also immediately.

I hated needing to tell him those things, but the alternative would have been so much worse, in a real emergency.

A fireman suggested that we keep a rope ladder under my son's bed, attached to the bed, and show him how to throw something heavy at the window, cover the sill with a quilt, throw the loose end of the rope ladder out, and clamber down two storeys.

There was also the point that, if you smell smoke, feel if the door is hot, and, if so, don't open it.

This was a little more complicated than 'run outside and yell', so I told him, fairly casually, when he was a bit older.

When he began school there was a trail through the bushes that the children would climb, on their way home. I imagined that some would get up to no good in there, or somewhere, so I told my son that, if anyone interfered with him, he should make noise and get his feet moving.

I said that anyone who would want to interfere with him would NOT want anyone else to know, that they knew they were being bad. Loud yelling would be the last thing they would want, and that it would protect my boy.

His feet would leave the person worried and heading the other way; and my son could go to the house of any neighbor and bang on the door.

I also made it a point to go out to the front of our house to show him he was expected, a few times. And to have a nice surprise waiting for him at home, even if it was just a smile and a hug and 'how was your day?'

One of my most beautiful memories is of him running toward me, while I was crouched to his height with my arms wide open.

Crouching to a child's height, so that your eyes are on a level with theirs, is a powerful communication skill.

Treating a child with the same regard for their individuality and person, appropriately for their age, that you give to adults, and expect for yourself, is a healthy foundation for their learning.

We always regret yelling. And we probably will need to say, "Excuse me" from time to time.

There is a great power in a conspiratal (sp?) smile, or plain face, sometimes.

A grandmother used to sneak her three grandchildren, wordlessly, into her larder under the stairs. In a little while she would lead them out, single file, with innocent looks on their faces, and crumbs of lemon cake on their mouths.

We establish rapport with our babes, and they soak it up by osmosis. The most important thing, I think, is our intention.

We learn by doing...and it feels so good when we get it right. That's all that counts.

My best,

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