childhood beatings

Ok well.

Ill try to make a long story short.

Basically i got hit as a kid by my dad. I seem to have trouble letting it go fully. Im not sure if this is even possible. I noticed one tends to form itself trough experiences one has as a child combined with their own personal character.

I carried the consequences of this by going to psychiatric houses, taking paxil for years. It was all downgraded to it not-having-happened (in my family) which caused alot of frustration. I know my 'personality' was not to blame.

I agree though every person responds differently to situations. But really, there was mental and physical wreckage being played on me. Not so much intentionally as far as i am able to tell, but it happened.

Physical from my 5th till 10th, mental between 5 and 20. One might ask why i was not able to break this as i grew older, but i was too screwed up to be able to make a living for myself.

I read threads about people being raped, and then i think, am i making a big deal out of this or am i justified.

The fact is, no one ever took me seriously. Partly because when i was 16 and got on the youth-psychiatric pill/'therapy' course i wasnt able to be vocally in a state where i could just say what happened. Family members downgraded the problem so i was forced into a situation in where therapists did not get the true story which resulted in my personality/'chemical imbalance' was to blame. The DSM personality disorders books were not far away.

Honestly, i just feel lonely.